Chapter I: Charon Makes a Discovery

A House-Boat on the Styx

by John Kendrick Bangs

Charon, the Ferryman of renown, was cruising slowly along the
Styx one pleasant Friday morning not long ago, and as he paddled idly
on he chuckled mildly to himself as he thought of the monopoly in
ferriage which in the course of years he had managed to build up.

"It's a great thing," he said, with a smirk of
satisfaction--"it's a great thing to be the go-between between two
states of being; to have the exclusive franchise to export and import
shades from one state to the other, and withal to have had as clean a
record as mine has been. Valuable as is my franchise, I never
corrupted a public official in my life, and--"

Here Charon stopped his soliloquy and his boat simultaneously.
As he rounded one of the many turns in the river a singular object
met his gaze, and one, too, that filled him with misgiving. It was
another craft, and that was a thing not to be tolerated. Had he,
Charon, owned the exclusive right of way on the Styx all these years
to have it disputed here in the closing decade of the Nineteenth
Century? Had not he dealt satisfactorily with all, whether it was in
the line of ferriage or in the providing of boats for pleasure-trips
up the river? Had he not received expressions of satisfaction,
indeed, from the most exclusive families of Hades with the very
select series of picnics he had given at Charon's Glen Island? No
wonder, then, that the queer-looking boat that met his gaze, moored
in a shady nook on the dark side of the river, filled him with
dismay.

"Blow me for a landlubber if I like that!" he said, in a hardly
audible whisper. "And shiver my timbers if I don't find out what
she's there for. If anybody thinks he can run an opposition line to
mine on this river he's mightily mistaken. If it comes to
competition, I can carry shades for nothing and still quaff the B.
& G. yellow-label benzine three times a day without experiencing
a financial panic. I'll show 'em a thing or two if they attempt to
rival me. And what a boat! It looks for all the world like a
Florentine barn on a canal-boat."

Charon paddled up to the side of the craft, and, standing up in
the middle of his boat, cried out,

"Ship ahoy!"

There was no answer, and the Ferryman hailed her again.
Receiving no response to his second call, he resolved to investigate
for himself; so, fastening his own boat to the stern-post of the
stranger, he clambered on board. If he was astonished as he sat in
his ferry- boat, he was paralyzed when he cast his eye over the
unwelcome vessel he had boarded. He stood for at least two minutes
rooted to the spot. His eye swept over a long, broad deck, the
polish of which resembled that of a ball-room floor. Amidships,
running from three- quarters aft to three-quarters forward, stood a
structure that in its lines resembled, as Charon had intimated, a
barn, designed by an architect enamoured of Florentine simplicity;
but in its construction the richest of woods had been used, and in
its interior arrangement and adornment nothing more palatial could be
conceived.

"What's the blooming thing for?" said Charon, more dismayed than
ever. "If they start another line with a craft like this, I'm very
much afraid I'm done for after all. I wouldn't take a boat like mine
myself if there was a floating palace like this going the same way.
I'll have to see the Commissioners about this, and find out what it
all means. I suppose it'll cost me a pretty penny, too, confound
them!"

A prey to these unhappy reflections, Charon investigated
further, and the more he saw the less he liked it. He was about to
encounter opposition, and an opposition which was apparently backed
by persons of great wealth--perhaps the Commissioners themselves. It
was a consoling thought that he had saved enough money in the course
of his career to enable him to live in comfort all his days, but this
was not really what Charon was after. He wished to acquire enough to
retire and become one of the smart set. It had been done in that
section of the universe which lay on the bright side of the Styx, why
not, therefore, on the other, he asked.

"I'm pretty well connected even if I am a boatman," he had been
known to say. "With Chaos for a grandfather, and Erebus and Nox for
parents, I've just as good blood in my veins as anybody in Hades. The
Noxes are a mighty fine family, not as bright as the Days, but older;
and we're poor--that's it, poor--and it's money makes caste these
days. If I had millions, and owned a railroad, they'd call me a
yacht-owner. As I haven't, I'm only a boatman. Bah! Wait and see!
I'll be giving swell functions myself some day, and these upstarts
will be on their knees before me begging to be asked. Then I'll get
up a little aristocracy of my own, and I won't let a soul into it
whose name isn't mentioned in the Grecian mythologies. Mention in
Burke's peerage and the Elite directories of America won't admit
anybody to Commodore Charon's house unless there's some other mighty
good reason for it."

Foreseeing an unhappy ending to all his hopes, the old man
clambered sadly back into his ancient vessel and paddled off into the
darkness. Some hours later, returning with a large company of new
arrivals, while counting up the profits of the day Charon again
caught sight of the new craft, and saw that it was brilliantly
lighted and thronged with the most famous citizens of the Erebean
country. Up in the bow was a spirit band discoursing music of the
sweetest sort. Merry peals of laughter rang out over the dark waters
of the Styx. The clink of glasses and the popping of corks
punctuated the music with a frequency which would have delighted the
soul of the most ardent lover of commas, all of which so overpowered
the grand master boatman of the Stygian Ferry Company that he dropped
three oboli and an American dime, which he carried as a pocket-piece,
overboard. This, of course, added to his woe; but it was forgotten
in an instant, for some one on the new boat had turned a search-light
directly upon Charon himself, and simultaneously hailed the master of
the ferry- boat.

"Charon!" cried the shade in charge of the light. "Charon,
ahoy!"

"Ahoy yourself!" returned the old man, paddling his craft close
up to the stranger. "What do you want?"

"You," said the shade. "The house committee want to see you
right away."

"What for?" asked Charon, cautiously.

"I'm sure I don't know. I'm only a member of the club, and
house committees never let mere members know anything about their
plans. All I know is that you are wanted," said the other.

"Who are the house committee?" queried the Ferryman.

"Sir Walter Raleigh, Cassius, Demosthenes, Blackstone, Doctor
Johnson, and Confucius," replied the shade.

"Tell 'em I'll be back in an hour," said Charon, pushing off.
"I've got a cargo of shades on board consigned to various places up
the river. I've promised to get 'em all through to-night, but I'll
put on a couple of extra paddles--two of the new arrivals are working
their passage this trip--and it won't take as long as usual. What
boat is this, anyhow?"

"The Nancy Nox, of Erebus."

"Thunder!" cried Charon, as he pushed off and proceeded on his
way up the river. "Named after my mother! Perhaps it'll come out
all right yet."

More hopeful of mood, Charon, aided by the two dead-head
passengers, soon got through with his evening's work, and in less
than an hour was back seeking admittance, as requested, to the
company of Sir Walter Raleigh and his fellow-members on the house
committee. He was received by these worthies with considerable
effusiveness, considering his position in society, and it warmed the
cockles of his aged heart to note that Sir Walter, who had always
been rather distant to him since he had carelessly upset that worthy
and Queen Elizabeth in the middle of the Styx far back in the last
century, permitted him to shake three fingers of his left hand when
he entered the committee-room.

"How do you do, Charon?" said Sir Walter, affably. "We are very
glad to see you."

"Thank you, kindly, Sir Walter," said the boatman. "I'm glad to
hear those words, your honor, for I've been feeling very bad since I
had the misfortune to drop your Excellency and her Majesty overboard.
I never knew how it happened, sir, but happen it did, and but for
her Majesty's kind assistance it might have been the worse for us.
Eh, Sir Walter?"

The knight shook his head menacingly at Charon. Hitherto he had
managed to keep it a secret that the Queen had rescued him from
drowning upon that occasion by swimming ashore herself first and
throwing Sir Walter her ruff as soon as she landed, which he had used
as a life-preserver.

"'Sh!" he said, sotto voce. "Don't say anything about that, my
man."

"Very well, Sir Walter, I won't," said the boatman; but he made
a mental note of the knight's agitation, and perceived a means by
which that illustrious courtier could be made useful to him in his
scheming for social advancement.

"I understood you had something to say to me," said Charon,
after he had greeted the others.

"We have," said Sir Walter. "We want you to assume command of
this boat."

The old fellow's eyes lighted up with pleasure.

"You want a captain, eh?" he said.

"No," said Confucius, tapping the table with a diamond-studded
chop- stick. "No. We want a--er--what the deuce is it they call the
functionary, Cassius?"

"Senator, I think," said Cassius.

Demosthenes gave a loud laugh.

"Your mind is still running on Senatorships, my dear Cassius.
That is quite evident," he said. "This is not one of them, however.
The title we wish Charon to assume is neither Captain nor Senator; it
is Janitor."

"What's that?" asked Charon, a little disappointed. "What does
a Janitor have to do?"

"He has to look after things in the house," explained Sir
Walter. "He's a sort of proprietor by proxy. We want you to take
charge of the house, and see to it that the boat is kept
shipshape."

"Where is the house?" queried the astonished boatman.

"This is it," said Sir Walter. "This is the house, and the boat
too. In fact, it is a house-boat."

"Then it isn't a new-fangled scheme to drive me out of
business?" said Charon, warily.

"Not at all," returned Sir Walter. "It's a new-fangled scheme
to set you up in business. We'll pay you a large salary, and there
won't be much to do. You are the best man for the place, because,
while you don't know much about houses, you do know a great deal
about boats, and the boat part is the most important part of a
house-boat. If the boat sinks, you can't save the house; but if the
house burns, you may be able to save the boat. See?"

"I think I do, sir," said Charon.

"Another reason why we want to employ you for Janitor," said
Confucius, "is that our club wants to be in direct communication with
both sides of the Styx; and we think you as Janitor would be able to
make better arrangements for transportation with yourself as boatman,
than some other man as Janitor could make with you."

"Spoken like a sage," said Demosthenes.

"Furthermore," said Cassius, "occasionally we shall want to have
this boat towed up or down the river, according to the house
committee's pleasure, and we think it would be well to have a Janitor
who has some influence with the towing company which you
represent."

"Can't this boat be moved without towing?" asked Charon.

"No," said Cassius.

"And I'm the only man who can tow it, eh?"

"You are," said Blackstone. "Worse luck."

"And you want me to be Janitor on a salary of what?"

"A hundred oboli a month," said Sir Walter, uneasily.

"Very well, gentlemen," said Charon. "I'll accept the office on
a salary of two hundred oboli a month, with Saturdays off."

The committee went into executive session for five minutes, and
on their return informed Charon that in behalf of the Associated
Shades they accepted his offer.

"In behalf of what?" the old man asked.

"The Associated Shades," said Sir Walter. "The swellest
organization in Hades, whose new house-boat you are now on board of.
When shall you be ready to begin work?"

"Right away," said Charon, noting by the clock that it was the
hour of midnight. "I'll start in right away, and as it is now
Saturday morning, I'll begin by taking my day off."