THE NINETEENTH CHAPTER

The Golden Ass

by Lucius Apuleius

THE NINETEENTH CHAPTER, THE GOLDEN ASS by Lucius Apuleius


How Apuleius was prevented of his purpose, and how the Theeves
came to their den.

Not long after, the theeves laded us againe, but especially me, and
brought us forth of the stable, and when wee had gone a good part
of our journey what with the long way, my great burthen, the
beating of staves, and my worne hooves, I was so weary that I
could scantly go. Then I saw a little before mee a river running
with fair water, and I said to myself, Behold, now I have found a
good occasion : for I will fall down when I come yonder, and surely
I will not rise againe, neither with scourging nor with beating, for I
had rather be slaine there presently, than goe any further.

And the cause why I had determined so to doe was this, I thought
that the theeves when they did see me so feeble and weake that I
could not travell, to the intent they would not stay in their journey,
they would take the burthen from my backe and put it on my
fellowes, and so for my further punishment to leave me as a prey to
the wolves and ravening beasts. But evill fortune prevented so
good a consideration; for the other Asse being of the same purpose
that I was of, by feigned and coloured wearinesse fell downe first,
with all his burthen on the ground as though hee were dead, and he
would not rise neither with beating nor with pricking, nor stand
upon his legs, though they pulled him by the tail, by his legs, and by
his eares : which when the theeves beheld, as without all hope they
said one unto another, What should we stand here so long about a
dead or rather a stony asse? let us bee gone : and so they tooke his
burthen, and divided some to mee, and some to my horse. And then
they drew out their swords and cut off his legs, and threw his body
from the point of a hill down into a great valley. Then I considering
with my selfe of the evill fortune of my poore companion, and
purposed now to forget all subtility and deceit, and to play the good
Asse to get my masters favour, for I perceived by their talke that
we were come home well nigh at our journeys end. And after that
wee had passed over a little hill, we came to our appointed place,
and when we were unladen of our burthens, and all things carried
in, I tumbled and wallowed in the dust, to refresh my selfe in stead
of water. The thing and the time compelleth me to make
description of the places, and especially of the den where the
theeves did inhabit, I will prove my wit in what I can doe, and the
consider you whether I was an Asse in judgement and sence, or
no. For first there was an exceeding great hill compassed about
with big trees very high, with many turning bottoms full of sharp
stones, whereby it was inaccessible. There was many winding and
hollow vallies, environed with thickets and thornes, and naturally
fortressed round about. From the top of the hill ranne a running
water as cleare as silver, that watered all the valleyes below, that it
seemed like unto a sea inclosed, or a standing floud. Before the
denne where was no hill stood an high tower, and at the foot
thereof were sheep-coats fenced and walled with clay. Before the
gate of the house were pathes made in stead of wals, in such sort
that you could easily judge it to be a very den for theeves, and there
was nothing else except a little coat covered with thatch, wherein
the theeves did nightly accustome to watch by order, as I after
perceived. And when they were all crept into the house, and we
were all tied fast with halters at the dore, they began to chide with
an old woman there, crooked with age, who had the government
and rule of all the house, and said, How is it old witch, old trot, and
strumpet, that thou sittest idley all day at home, and having no
regard to our perillous labours, hast provided nothing for our
suppers, but sittest eating and swilling thyself from morning till
night? Then the old woman trembled, and scantly able to speak
gan say, Behold my puissant and faithfull masters, you shall have
meat and pottage enough by and by : here is first store of bread,
wine plenty, filled in cleane rinsed pots, likewise here is hot water
prepared to bathe you.

Which when she had said, they put off all their garments and
refreshed themselves by the fire. And after they were washed and
noynted with oyle, they sate downe at the table garnished with all
kind of dainty meats. They were no sooner sate downe, but in
came another company of yong men more in number than was
before, who seemed likewise to bee Theeves, for they brought in
their preyes of gold and silver, Plate, jewels, and rich robes, and
when they had likewise washed, they sate among the rest, and
served one another by order. Then they drank and eat exceedingly,
laughing, crying and making much noyse, that I thought that I was
among the tyrannous and wilde Lapithes, Thebans, and Centaures.
At length one of them more valiant than the rest, spake in this sort,
We verily have manfully conquered the house of Milo of Hippata,
and beside all the riches and treasure which by force we have
brought away, we are all come home safe, and are increased the
more by this horse and this Asse. But you that have roved about in
the country of Boetia, have lost your valiante captaine Lamathus,
whose life I more regarded than all the treasure which you have
brought : and therfore the memory of him shall bee renowned for
ever amongst the most noble kings and valiant captains : but you
accustome when you goe abroad, like men with ganders hearts to
creepe through every corner and hole for every trifle. Then one of
them that came last answered, Why are you only ignorant, that the
greater the number is, the sooner they may rob and spoyle the
house? And although the family be dispersed in divers lodgings, yet
every man had rather to defend his own life, than to save the riches
of his master : but when there be but a few theeves, then will they
not only rather regard themselves, but also their substance, how
little or great soever it be. And to the intent you may beleeve me I
will shew you an example : wee were come nothing nigh to Thebes,
where is the fountain of our art and science, but we learned where
a rich Chuffe called Chriseros did dwell, who for fear of offices in
the publique wel dissembled his estate, and lived sole and solitary in
a small coat, howbeit replenished with aboundance of treasure, and
went daily in ragged and torn apparel. Wherefore wee devised
with our selves to go to his house and spoyl him of all his riches.
And when night came we drew towards the dore, which was so
strongly closed, that we could neither move it, nor lift it out of the
hooks, and we thought it best not to break it open lest by the noyse
we should raise up to our harm the neighbours by. Then our strong
and valiant captaine Lamathus trusting in his own strength and
force, thrust in his had through a hole in the dore, and thought to
pull back the bolt : but the covetous caitif Chriseros being awake,
and making no noise came softly to the dore and caught his hand
and with a great naile nailed it fast to the post : which when he had
done, he ran up to the high chamber and called every one of his
neighbours by name, desiring them to succour him with all possible
speed, for his own house was on fire. Then every one for fear of
his owne danger came running out to aid him, wherewith we
fearing our present peril, knew not what was best to be don,
whether wee should leave our companion there, or yeeld ourselves
to die with him : but we by his consent devised a better way, for we
cut off his arm by the elbow and so let it hang there : then wee
bound his wound with clouts, lest we should be traced by the drops
of blood : which don we took Lamathus and led him away, for fear
we would be taken : but being so nigh pursued that we were in
present danger, and that Lamathus could not keepe our company
by reason of faintnesse; and on the other side perceiving that it was
not for his profit to linger behinde, he spake unto us as a man of
singular courage and vertue, desiring us by much entreaty and
prayer and by the puissance of the god Mars, and the faith of our
confederacy, to deliver his body from torment and miserable
captivity : and further he said, How is it possible that so courageous
a Captaine can live without his hand, wherewith he could somtime
rob and slay so many people? I would thinke myself sufficiently
happy if I could be slaine by one of you. But when he saw that we
all refused to commit any such fact, he drew out his sword with his
other hand, and after that he had often kissed it, he drove it clean
through his body. Then we honoured the corps of so puissant a
man, and wrapped it in linnen cloathes and threw it into the sea. So
lieth our master Lamathus, buried and did in the grave of water,
and ended his life as I have declared. But Alcinus, though he were
a man of great enterprise, yet could he not beware by Lamathus,
nor voide himselfe from evill fortune, for on a day when he had
entred into an old womans house to rob her, he went up into a high
chamber, where hee should first have strangled her : but he had
more regard to throw down the bags of mony and gold out at a
window, to us that stood under; and when he was so greedy that he
would leave nothing behinde, he went into the old womans bed
where she lay asleep, and would have taken off the coverlet to
have thrown downe likewise, but shee awaked, and kneeling on her
knees, desired him in this manner : O sir I pray you cast not away
such torn and ragged clouts into my neighbours houses, for they are
rich enough, and need no such things. Then Alcinus thinking her
words to be true, was brought in beleefe, that such things as he had
throwne out already, and such things as hee should throw out after,
was not fallen downe to his fellowes, but to other mens houses,
wherefore hee went to the window to see, and as hee thought to
behold the places round about, thrusting his body out of the window,
the old woman marked him wel, and came behind him softly, and
though shee had but small strength, yet with sudden force she tooke
him by the heeles and thrust him out headlong, and so he fell upon a
marvellous great stone and burst his ribs, wherby he vomited and
spewed great flakes of blood, and presently died. Then wee threw
him to the river likewise, as we had done Lamathus before.

When we had thus lost two of our companions, we liked not
Thebes, but marched towards the next city called Platea, where we
found a man of great fame called Demochares, that purposed to set
forth a great game, where should be a triall of all kind of weapons :
hee was come of a good house, marvellous rich, liberall, and wel
deserved that which he had and had prepared many showes and
pleasures for the Common people, insomuch that there is no man
can either by wit or eloquence shew in words his worthy
preparations : for first he had provided all sorts of armes, hee
greatly delighted in hunting and chasing, he ordained great towers
and Tables to move hither and thither : hee made many places to
chase and encounter in : he had ready a great number of men and
wilde beasts, and many condemned persons were brought from the
Judgement place, to try and fight with those beasts. But amongst
so great preparations of noble price, he bestowed the most part of
his patrimony in buying of Beares, which he nourished to his great
cost, and esteemed more than all the other beasts, which either by
chasing hee caught himself, or which he dearely bought, or which
were given him from divers of his friends.

Howbeit for all his sumptuous cost, hee could not be free from the
malitious eyes of envy, for some of them were well nigh dead with
too long tying up, some meagre with the broyling heat of the sunne,
some languished with lying, but all having sundry diseases, were so
afflicted that they died one after another, and there was well nigh
none left, in such sort that you might see them lying in the streets
pittiously dead. And the common people having no other meat to
feed on, little regarding any curiosity, would come forth and fill their
bellies with the flesh of the beares. Then by and by Babulus and I
devised a pretty sport, wee drew one of the greatest of the Beares
to our lodging, as though wee would prepare to eat thereof, where
wee flayed of his skinne, and kept his ungles whole, but we medled
not with the head, but cut it off by the necke, and so let it hang to
the skinne. Then we rased off the flesh from the necke, and cast
dust thereon, and set it in the sun to dry.