Scene XI.

The Way of the World

by William Congreve

LADY WISHFORT, SIR WILFULL WITWOUD, MR. WITWOUD, FOIBLE.

LADY WISHFORT
Smells? He would poison a tallow-chandler and
his family. Beastly creature, I know not what to do with him.
Travel, quotha; ay, travel, travel, get thee gone, get thee but far
enough, to the Saracens, or the Tartars, or the Turks--for thou art
not fit to live in a Christian commonwealth, thou beastly pagan.

SIR WILFULL WITWOUD
Turks? No; no Turks, aunt. Your Turks
are infidels, and believe not in the grape. Your Mahometan, your
Mussulman is a dry stinkard. No offence, aunt. My map says that
your Turk is not so honest a man as your Christian--I cannot find by
the map that your Mufti is orthodox, whereby it is a plain case that
orthodox is a hard word, aunt, and [hiccup] Greek for claret.
[Sings]:-

To drink is a Christian diversion,
Unknown to the Turk or
the Persian.
Let Mahometan fools
Live by heathenish
rules,
And be damned over tea-cups and coffee.
But let
British lads sing,
Crown a health to the King,
And a fig for
your Sultan and Sophy.

Ah, Tony! [FOIBLE whispers LADY W.]

LADY WISHFORT
Sir Rowland impatient? Good lack! what shall
I do with this beastly tumbril? Go lie down and sleep, you sot, or
as I'm a person, I'll have you bastinadoed with broomsticks. Call up
the wenches with broomsticks.

SIR WILFULL WITWOUD
Ahey! Wenches? Where are the
wenches?

LADY WISHFORT
Dear Cousin Witwoud, get him away, and you
will bind me to you inviolably. I have an affair of moment that
invades me with some precipitation.--You will oblige me to all
futurity.

WITWOUD
Come, knight. Pox on him, I don't know what to say
to him. Will you go to a cock-match?

SIR WILFULL WITWOUD
With a wench, Tony? Is she a shake-bag,
sirrah? Let me bite your cheek for that.

WITWOUD
Horrible! He has a breath like a bagpipe. Ay, ay;
come, will you march, my Salopian?

SIR WILFULL WITWOUD
Lead on, little Tony. I'll follow thee,
my Anthony, my Tantony. Sirrah, thou shalt be my Tantony, and I'll
be thy pig.

And a fig for your Sultan and Sophy.

LADY WISHFORT
This will never do. It will never make a
match,--at least before he has been abroad.