Scene II.

Love for Love

by William Congreve

ANGELICA, SIR SAMPSON.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
I have not been honoured with the
commands of a fair lady a great while,--odd, madam, you have revived
me,--not since I was five-and-thirty.

ANGELICA
Why, you have no great reason to complain, Sir
Sampson, that is not long ago.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
Zooks, but it is, madam, a very great
while: to a man that admires a fine woman as much as I do.

ANGELICA
You're an absolute courtier, Sir Sampson.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
Not at all, madam,--odsbud, you wrong
me,--I am not so old neither, to be a bare courtier, only a man of
words. Odd, I have warm blood about me yet, and can serve a lady any
way. Come, come, let me tell you, you women think a man old too
soon, faith and troth you do. Come, don't despise fifty; odd, fifty,
in a hale constitution, is no such contemptible age.

ANGELICA
Fifty a contemptible age! Not at all; a very
fashionable age, I think. I assure you, I know very considerable
beaus that set a good face upon fifty. Fifty! I have seen fifty in
a side box by candle-light out-blossom five-and-twenty.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
Outsides, outsides; a pize take 'em, mere
outsides. Hang your side-box beaus; no, I'm none of those, none of
your forced trees, that pretend to blossom in the fall, and bud when
they should bring forth fruit: I am of a long-lived race, and
inherit vigour; none of my ancestors married till fifty, yet they
begot sons and daughters till fourscore: I am of your patriarchs, I,
a branch of one of your antedeluvian families, fellows that the flood
could not wash away. Well, madam, what are your commands? Has any
young rogue affronted you, and shall I cut his throat? Or -

ANGELICA
No, Sir Sampson, I have no quarrel upon my hands.
I have more occasion for your conduct than your courage at this time.
To tell you the truth, I'm weary of living single and want a
husband.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
Odsbud, and 'tis pity you should. Odd,
would she would like me, then I should hamper my young rogues. Odd,
would she would; faith and troth she's devilish handsome. [Aside.]
Madam, you deserve a good husband, and 'twere pity you should be
thrown away upon any of these young idle rogues about the town. Odd,
there's ne'er a young fellow worth hanging--that is a very young
fellow. Pize on 'em, they never think beforehand of anything; and if
they commit matrimony, 'tis as they commit murder, out of a frolic,
and are ready to hang themselves, or to be hanged by the law, the
next morning. Odso, have a care, madam.

ANGELICA
Therefore I ask your advice, Sir Sampson. I have
fortune enough to make any man easy that I can like: if there were
such a thing as a young agreeable man, with a reasonable stock of
good nature and sense--for I would neither have an absolute wit nor a
fool.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
Odd, you are hard to please, madam: to
find a young fellow that is neither a wit in his own eye, nor a fool
in the eye of the world, is a very hard task. But, faith and troth,
you speak very discreetly; for I hate both a wit and a fool.

ANGELICA
She that marries a fool, Sir Sampson, forfeits the
reputation of her honesty or understanding; and she that marries a
very witty man is a slave to the severity and insolent conduct of her
husband. I should like a man of wit for a lover, because I would have
such an one in my power; but I would no more be his wife than his
enemy. For his malice is not a more terrible consequence of his
aversion than his jealousy is of his love.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
None of old Foresight's sibyls ever
uttered such a truth. Odsbud, you have won my heart; I hate a wit: I
had a son that was spoiled among 'em, a good hopeful lad, till he
learned to be a wit; and might have risen in the state. But, a pox
on't, his wit run him out of his money, and now his poverty has run
him out of his wits.

ANGELICA
Sir Sampson, as your friend, I must tell you you
are very much abused in that matter: he's no more mad than you
are.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
How, madam! Would I could prove it.

ANGELICA
I can tell you how that may be done. But it is a
thing that would make me appear to be too much concerned in your
affairs.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
Odsbud, I believe she likes me. [Aside.]
Ah, madam, all my affairs are scarce worthy to be laid at your feet;
and I wish, madam, they were in a better posture, that I might make a
more becoming offer to a lady of your incomparable beauty and merit.
If I had Peru in one hand, and Mexico in t'other, and the Eastern
Empire under my feet, it would make me only a more glorious victim to
be offered at the shrine of your beauty.

ANGELICA
Bless me, Sir Sampson, what's the matter?

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
Odd, madam, I love you. And if you would
take my advice in a husband -

ANGELICA
Hold, hold, Sir Sampson. I asked your advice for a
husband, and you are giving me your consent. I was indeed thinking
to propose something like it in jest, to satisfy you about Valentine:
for if a match were seemingly carried on between you and me, it would
oblige him to throw off his disguise of madness, in apprehension of
losing me: for you know he has long pretended a passion for me.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
Gadzooks, a most ingenious
contrivance--if we were to go through with it. But why must the
match only be seemingly carried on? Odd, let it be a real
contract.

ANGELICA
Oh, fie, Sir Sampson, what would the world say?

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
Say? They would say you were a wise
woman and I a happy man. Odd, madam, I'll love you as long as I
live, and leave you a good jointure when I die.

ANGELICA
Ay; but that is not in your power, Sir Sampson:
for when Valentine confesses himself in his senses, he must make over
his inheritance to his younger brother.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
Odd, you're cunning, a wary baggage!
Faith and troth, I like you the better. But, I warrant you, I have a
proviso in the obligation in favour of myself. Body o' me, I have a
trick to turn the settlement upon the issue male of our two bodies
begotten. Odsbud, let us find children and I'll find an estate!

ANGELICA
Will you? Well, do you find the estate and leave
t'other to me.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
O rogue! But I'll trust you. And will
you consent? Is it a match then?

ANGELICA
Let me consult my lawyer concerning this
obligation, and if I find what you propose practicable, I'll give you
my answer.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
With all my heart: come in with me, and
I'll lend you the bond. You shall consult your lawyer, and I'll
consult a parson. Odzooks, I'm a young man--odzooks, I'm a young man,
and I'll make it appear,--odd, you're devilish handsome. Faith and
troth, you're very handsome, and I'm very young and very lusty.
Odsbud, hussy, you know how to choose, and so do I. Odd, I think we
are very well met. Give me your hand, odd, let me kiss it; 'tis as
warm and as soft--as what? Odd, as t'other hand--give me t'other
hand, and I'll mumble 'em and kiss 'em till they melt in my mouth.

ANGELICA
Hold, Sir Sampson. You're profuse of your vigour
before your time. You'll spend your estate before you come to it.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
No, no, only give you a rent-roll of my
possessions. Ah, baggage, I warrant you for little Sampson. Odd,
Sampson's a very good name for an able fellow: your Sampsons were
strong dogs from the beginning.

ANGELICA
Have a care and don't over-act your part. If you
remember, Sampson, the strongest of the name, pulled an old house
over his head at last.

SIR SAMPSON LEGEND
Say you so, hussy? Come, let's go then;
odd, I long to be pulling too; come away. Odso, here's somebody
coming.