Scene XIII.

Love for Love

by William Congreve

MRS FRAIL, BEN LEGEND.

BEN LEGEND
All mad, I think. Flesh, I believe all the
calentures of the sea are come ashore, for my part.

MRS FRAIL
Mr Benjamin in choler!

BEN LEGEND
No, I'm pleased well enough, now I have found
you. Mess, I have had such a hurricane upon your account yonder.

MRS FRAIL
My account; pray what's the matter?

BEN LEGEND
Why, father came and found me squabbling with yon
chitty-faced thing as he would have me marry, so he asked what was
the matter. He asked in a surly sort of a way--it seems brother Val
is gone mad, and so that put'n into a passion; but what did I know
that? what's that to me?--so he asked in a surly sort of manner, and
gad I answered 'n as surlily. What thof he be my father, I an't
bound prentice to 'n; so faith I told 'n in plain terms, if I were
minded to marry, I'd marry to please myself, not him. And for the
young woman that he provided for me, I thought it more fitting for
her to learn her sampler and make dirt-pies than to look after a
husband; for my part I was none of her man. I had another voyage to
make, let him take it as he will.

MRS FRAIL
So, then, you intend to go to sea again?

BEN LEGEND
Nay, nay, my mind run upon you, but I would not
tell him so much. So he said he'd make my heart ache; and if so be
that he could get a woman to his mind, he'd marry himself. Gad, says
I, an you play the fool and marry at these years, there's more danger
of your head's aching than my heart. He was woundy angry when I
gave'n that wipe. He hadn't a word to say, and so I left'n, and the
green girl together; mayhap the bee may bite, and he'll marry her
himself, with all my heart.

MRS FRAIL
And were you this undutiful and graceless wretch
to your father?

BEN LEGEND
Then why was he graceless first? If I am
undutiful and graceless, why did he beget me so? I did not get
myself.

MRS FRAIL
O impiety! How have I been mistaken! What an
inhuman, merciless creature have I set my heart upon? Oh, I am happy
to have discovered the shelves and quicksands that lurk beneath that
faithless, smiling face.

BEN LEGEND
Hey toss! What's the matter now? Why, you ben't
angry, be you?

MRS FRAIL
Oh, see me no more,--for thou wert born amongst
rocks, suckled by whales, cradled in a tempest, and whistled to by
winds; and thou art come forth with fins and scales, and three rows
of teeth, a most outrageous fish of prey.

BEN LEGEND
O Lord, O Lord, she's mad, poor young woman:
love has turned her senses, her brain is quite overset. Well-a-day,
how shall I do to set her to rights?

MRS FRAIL
No, no, I am not mad, monster; I am wise enough to
find you out. Hadst thou the impudence to aspire at being a husband
with that stubborn and disobedient temper? You that know not how to
submit to a father, presume to have a sufficient stock of duty to
undergo a wife? I should have been finely fobbed indeed, very finely
fobbed.

BEN LEGEND
Harkee, forsooth; if so be that you are in your
right senses, d'ye see, for ought as I perceive I'm like to be finely
fobbed,--if I have got anger here upon your account, and you are
tacked about already. What d'ye mean, after all your fair speeches,
and stroking my cheeks, and kissing and hugging, what would you sheer
off so? Would you, and leave me aground?

MRS FRAIL
No, I'll leave you adrift, and go which way you
will.

BEN LEGEND
What, are you false-hearted, then?

MRS FRAIL
Only the wind's changed.

BEN LEGEND
More shame for you,--the wind's changed? It's an
ill wind blows nobody good,--mayhap I have a good riddance on you, if
these be your tricks. What, did you mean all this while to make a
fool of me?

MRS FRAIL
Any fool but a husband.

BEN LEGEND
Husband! Gad, I would not be your husband if you
would have me, now I know your mind: thof you had your weight in
gold and jewels, and thof I loved you never so well.

MRS FRAIL
Why, can'st thou love, Porpuss?

BEN LEGEND
No matter what I can do; don't call names. I
don't love you so well as to bear that, whatever I did. I'm glad you
show yourself, mistress. Let them marry you as don't know you. Gad,
I know you too well, by sad experience; I believe he that marries you
will go to sea in a hen-pecked frigate--I believe that, young woman-
-and mayhap may come to an anchor at Cuckolds-Point; so there's a
dash for you, take it as you will: mayhap you may holla after me
when I won't come to.

MRS FRAIL
Ha, ha, ha, no doubt on't.--MY TRUE LOVE IS GONE
TO SEA. [Sings]