23. How They Encountered the Flutterbudgets

The Emerald City of Oz

by L. Frank Baum

They were soon among the pretty hills and valleys again, and the
Sawhorse sped up hill and down at a fast and easy pace, the roads
being hard and smooth. Mile after mile was speedily covered, and
before the ride had grown at all tiresome they sighted another
village. The place seemed even larger than Rigmarole Town, but was
not so attractive in appearance.

"This must be Flutterbudget Center," declared the Wizard. "You
see, it's no trouble at all to find places if you keep to the right
road."

"What are the Flutterbudgets like?" inquired Dorothy.

"I do not know, my dear. But Ozma has given them a town all
their own, and I've heard that whenever one of the people becomes a
Flutterbudget he is sent to this place to live."

"That is true," Omby Amby added; "Flutterbudget Center and
Rigmarole Town are called 'the Defensive Settlements of Oz.'"

The village they now approached was not built in a valley, but
on top of a hill, and the road they followed wound around the hill,
like a corkscrew, ascending the hill easily until it came to the
town.

"Look out!" screamed a voice. "Look out, or you'll run over my
child!"

They gazed around and saw a woman standing upon the sidewalk
nervously wringing her hands as she gazed at them appealingly.

"Where is your child?" asked the Sawhorse.

"In the house," said the woman, bursting into tears; "but if it
should happen to be in the road, and you ran over it, those great
wheels would crush my darling to jelly. Oh dear! oh dear! Think of
my darling child being crushed into jelly by those great wheels!"

"Gid-dap!" said the Wizard sharply, and the Sawhorse started
on.

They had not gone far before a man ran out of a house shouting
wildly, "Help! Help!"

The Sawhorse stopped short and the Wizard and Uncle Henry and
the Shaggy Man and Omby Amby jumped out of the wagon and ran to the
poor man's assistance. Dorothy followed them as quickly as she
could.

"What's the matter?" asked the Wizard.

"Help! help!" screamed the man; "my wife has cut her finger off
and she's bleeding to death!"

Then he turned and rushed back to the house, and all the party
went with him. They found a woman in the front dooryard moaning and
groaning as if in great pain.

"Be brave, madam!" said the Wizard, consolingly. "You won't die
just because you have cut off a finger, you may be sure."

"But I haven't cut off a finger!" she sobbed.

"Then what has happened?" asked Dorothy.

"I--I pricked my finger with a needle while I was sewing,
and--and the blood came!" she replied. "And now I'll have
blood-poisoning, and the doctors will cut off my finger, and that
will give me a fever and I shall die!"

"Pshaw!" said Dorothy; "I've pricked my finger many a time, and
nothing happened."

"Really?" asked the woman, brightening and wiping her eyes upon
her apron.

"Why, it's nothing at all," declared the girl. "You're more
scared than hurt."

"Ah, that's because she's a Flutterbudget," said the Wizard,
nodding wisely. "I think I know now what these people are like."

"So do I," announced Dorothy.

"Oh, boo-hoo-hoo!" sobbed the woman, giving way to a fresh burst
of grief.

"What's wrong now?" asked the Shaggy Man.

"Oh, suppose I had pricked my foot!" she wailed. "Then the
doctors would have cut my foot off, and I'd be lamed for life!"

"Surely, ma'am," replied the Wizard, "and if you'd pricked your
nose they might cut your head off. But you see you didn't."

"But I might have!" she exclaimed, and began to cry again. So
they left her and drove away in their wagon. And her husband came
out and began calling "Help!" as he had before; but no one seemed to
pay any attention to him.

As the travelers turned into another street they found a man
walking excitedly up and down the pavement. He appeared to be in a
very nervous condition and the Wizard stopped him to ask:

"Is anything wrong, sir?"

"Everything is wrong," answered the man, dismally. "I can't
sleep."

"Why not?" inquired Omby Amby.

"If I go to sleep I'll have to shut my eyes," he explained; "and
if I shut my eyes they may grow together, and then I'd be blind for
life!"

"Did you ever hear of any one's eyes growing together?" asked
Dorothy.

"No," said the man, "I never did. But it would be a dreadful
thing, wouldn't it? And the thought of it makes me so nervous I'm
afraid to go to sleep."

"There's no help for this case," declared the Wizard; and they
went on.

At the next street corner a woman rushed up to them crying:

"Save my baby! Oh, good, kind people, save my baby!"

"Is it in danger?" asked Dorothy, noticing that the child was
clasped in her arms and seemed sleeping peacefully.

"Yes, indeed," said the woman, nervously. "If I should go into
the house and throw my child out of the window, it would roll way
down to the bottom of the hill; and then if there were a lot of
tigers and bears down there, they would tear my darling babe to
pieces and eat it up!"

"Are there any tigers and bears in this neighborhood?" the
Wizard asked.

"I've never heard of any," admitted the woman, "but if there
were--"

"Have you any idea of throwing your baby out of the window?"
questioned the little man.

"None at all," she said; "but if--"

"All your troubles are due to those 'ifs'," declared the Wizard.
"If you were not a Flutterbudget you wouldn't worry."

"There's another 'if'," replied the woman. "Are you a
Flutterbudget, too?"

"I will be, if I stay here long," exclaimed the Wizard,
nervously.

"Another 'if'!" cried the woman.

But the Wizard did not stop to argue with her. He made the
Sawhorse canter all the way down the hill, and only breathed easily
when they were miles away from the village.

After they had ridden in silence for a while Dorothy turned to
the little man and asked:

"Do 'ifs' really make Flutterbudgets?"

"I think the 'ifs' help," he answered seriously. "Foolish
fears, and worries over nothing, with a mixture of nerves and ifs,
will soon make a Flutterbudget of any one."

Then there was another long silence, for all the travelers were
thinking over this statement, and nearly all decided it must be
true.

The country they were now passing through was everywhere tinted
purple, the prevailing color of the Gillikin Country; but as the
Sawhorse ascended a hill they found that upon the other side
everything was of a rich yellow hue.

"Aha!" cried the Captain General; "here is the Country of the
Winkies. We are just crossing the boundary line."

"Then we may be able to lunch with the Tin Woodman," announced
the Wizard, joyfully.

"Must we lunch on tin?" asked Aunt Em.

"Oh, no;" replied Dorothy. "Nick Chopper knows how to feed meat
people, and he will give us plenty of good things to eat, never fear.
I've been to his castle before."

"Is Nick Chopper the Tin Woodman's name?" asked Uncle Henry.

"Yes; that's one of his names," answered the little girl; "and
another of his names is 'Emp'ror of the Winkies.' He's the King of
this country, you know, but Ozma rules over all the countries of
Oz."

"Does the Tin Woodman keep any Flutterbudgets or Rigmaroles at
his castle?" inquired Aunt Em, uneasily.

"No indeed," said Dorothy, positively. "He lives in a new tin
castle, all full of lovely things."

"I should think it would rust," said Uncle Henry.

"He has thousands of Winkies to keep it polished for him,"
explained the Wizard. "His people love to do anything in their power
for their beloved Emperor, so there isn't a particle of rust on all
the big castle."

"I suppose they polish their Emperor, too," said Aunt Em.

"Why, some time ago he had himself nickel-plated," the Wizard
answered; "so he only needs rubbing up once in a while. He's the
brightest man in all the world, is dear Nick Chopper; and the
kindest-hearted."

"I helped find him," said Dorothy, reflectively. "Once the
Scarecrow and I found the Tin Woodman in the woods, and he was just
rusted still, that time, an' no mistake. But we oiled his joints an'
got 'em good and slippery, and after that he went with us to visit
the Wizard at the Em'rald City."

"Was that the time the Wizard scared you?" asked Aunt Em.

"He didn't treat us well, at first," acknowledged Dorothy; "for
he made us go away and destroy the Wicked Witch. But after we found
out he was only a humbug wizard we were not afraid of him."

The Wizard sighed and looked a little ashamed.

"When we try to deceive people we always make mistakes," he
said. "But I'm getting to be a real wizard now, and Glinda the Good's
magic, that I am trying to practice, can never harm any one."

"You were always a good man," declared Dorothy, "even when you
were a bad wizard."

"He's a good wizard now," asserted Aunt Em, looking at the
little man admiringly. "The way he made those tents grow out of
handkerchiefs was just wonderful! And didn't he enchant the wagon
wheels so they'd find the road?"

"All the people of Oz," said the Captain General, "are very
proud of their Wizard. He once made some soap-bubbles that
astonished the world."

The Wizard blushed at this praise, yet it pleased him. He no
longer looked sad, but seemed to have recovered his usual good
humor.

The country through which they now rode was thickly dotted with
farmhouses, and yellow grain waved in all the fields. Many of the
Winkies could be seen working on their farms and the wild and
unsettled parts of Oz were by this time left far behind.

These Winkies appeared to be happy, light-hearted folk, and all
removed their caps and bowed low when the red wagon with its load of
travelers passed by.

It was not long before they saw something glittering in the
sunshine far ahead.

"See!" cried Dorothy; "that's the Tin Castle, Aunt Em!"

And the Sawhorse, knowing his passengers were eager to arrive,
broke into a swift trot that soon brought them to their
destination.