11. How the General Met the First and Foremost

The Emerald City of Oz

by L. Frank Baum

On leaving the Growleywogs General Guph had to recross the Ripple
Lands, and he did not find it a pleasant thing to do. Perhaps having
his whiskers pulled out one by one and being used as a pin-cushion
for the innocent amusement of a good natured jailer had not improved
the quality of Guph's temper, for the old Nome raved and raged at the
recollection of the wrongs he had suffered, and vowed to take
vengeance upon the Growleywogs after he had used them for his
purposes and Oz had been conquered. He went on in this furious way
until he was half across the Ripple Land. Then he became seasick,
and the rest of the way this naughty Nome was almost as miserable as
he deserved to be.

But when he reached the plains again and the ground was firm
under his feet he began to feel better, and instead of going back
home he turned directly west. A squirrel, perched in a tree, saw him
take this road and called to him warningly: "Look out!" But he paid
no attention. An eagle paused in its flight through the air to look
at him wonderingly and say: "Look out!" But on he went.

No one can say that Guph was not brave, for he had determined to
visit those dangerous creatures the Phanfasms, who resided upon the
very top of the dread Mountain of Phantastico. The Phanfasms were
Erbs, and so dreaded by mortals and immortals alike that no one had
been near their mountain home for several thousand years. Yet
General Guph hoped to induce them to join in his proposed warfare
against the good and happy Oz people.

Guph knew very well that the Phanfasms would be almost as
dangerous to the Nomes as they would to the Ozites, but he thought
himself so clever that he believed he could manage these strange
creatures and make them obey him. And there was no doubt at all that
if he could enlist the services of the Phanfasms, their tremendous
power, united to the strength of the Growleywogs and the cunning of
the Whimsies would doom the Land of Oz to absolute destruction.

So the old Nome climbed the foothills and trudged along the wild
mountain paths until he came to a big gully that encircled the
Mountain of Phantastico and marked the boundary line of the dominion
of the Phanfasms. This gully was about a third of the way up the
mountain, and it was filled to the brim with red-hot molten lava in
which swam fire-serpents and poisonous salamanders. The heat from
this mass and its poisonous smell were both so unbearable that even
birds hesitated to fly over the gully, but circled around it. All
living things kept away from the mountain.

Now Guph had heard, during his long lifetime, many tales of
these dreaded Phanfasms; so he had heard of this barrier of melted
lava, and also he had been told that there was a narrow bridge that
spanned it in one place. So he walked along the edge until he found
the bridge. It was a single arch of gray stone, and lying flat upon
the bridge was a scarlet alligator, seemingly fast asleep.

When Guph stumbled over the rocks in approaching the bridge the
creature opened its eyes, from which tiny flames shot in all
directions, and after looking at the intruder very wickedly the
scarlet alligator closed its eyelids again and lay still.

Guph saw there was no room for him to pass the alligator on the
narrow bridge, so he called out to it:

"Good morning, friend. I don't wish to hurry you, but please
tell me if you are coming down, or going up?"

"Neither," snapped the alligator, clicking its cruel jaws
together.

The General hesitated.

"Are you likely to stay there long?" he asked.

"A few hundred years or so," said the alligator.

Guph softly rubbed the end of his nose and tried to think what
to do.

"Do you know whether the First and Foremost Phanfasm of
Phantastico is at home or not?" he presently inquired.

"I expect he is, seeing he is always at home," replied the
alligator.

"Ah; who is that coming down the mountain?" asked the Nome,
gazing upward.

The alligator turned to look over its shoulder, and at once Guph
ran to the bridge and leaped over the sentinel's back before it could
turn back again. The scarlet monster made a snap at the Nome's left
foot, but missed it by fully an inch.

"Ah ha!" laughed the General, who was now on the mountain path.
"I fooled you that time."

"So you did; and perhaps you fooled yourself," retorted the
alligator. "Go up the mountain, if you dare, and find out what the
First and Foremost will do to you!"

"I will," declared Guph, boldly; and on he went up the path.

At first the scene was wild enough, but gradually it grew more
and more awful in appearance. All the rocks had the shapes of
frightful beings and even the tree trunks were gnarled and twisted
like serpents.

Suddenly there appeared before the Nome a man with the head of
an owl. His body was hairy like that of an ape, and his only clothing
was a scarlet scarf twisted around his waist. He bore a huge club in
his hand and his round owl eyes blinked fiercely upon the
intruder.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, threatening Guph with
his club.

"I've come to see the First and Foremost Phanfasm of
Phantastico," replied the General, who did not like the way this
creature looked at him, but still was not afraid.

"Ah; you shall see him!" the man said, with a sneering laugh.
"The First and Foremost shall decide upon the best way to punish
you."

"He will not punish me," returned Guph, calmly, "for I have come
here to do him and his people a rare favor. Lead on, fellow, and
take me directly to your master."

The owl-man raised his club with a threatening gesture.

"If you try to escape," he said, "beware--"

But here the General interrupted him.

"Spare your threats," said he, "and do not be impertinent, or I
will have you severely punished. Lead on, and keep silent!"

This Guph was really a clever rascal, and it seems a pity he was
so bad, for in a good cause he might have accomplished much. He
realized that he had put himself into a dangerous position by coming
to this dreadful mountain, but he also knew that if he showed fear he
was lost. So he adopted a bold manner as his best defense. The
wisdom of this plan was soon evident, for the Phanfasm with the owl's
head turned and led the way up the mountain.

At the very top was a level plain upon which were heaps of rock
that at first glance seemed solid. But on looking closer Guph
discovered that these rock heaps were dwellings, for each had an
opening.

Not a person was to be seen outside the rock huts. All was
silent.

The owl-man led the way among the groups of dwellings to one
standing in the center. It seemed no better and no worse than any of
the others. Outside the entrance to this rock heap the guide gave a
low wail that sounded like "Lee-ow-ah!"

Suddenly there bounded from the opening another hairy man. This
one wore the head of a bear. In his hand he bore a brass hoop. He
glared at the stranger in evident surprise.

"Why have you captured this foolish wanderer and brought him
here?" he demanded, addressing the owl-man.

"I did not capture him," was the answer. "He passed the scarlet
alligator and came here of his own free will and accord."

The First and Foremost looked at the General.

"Have you tired of life, then?" he asked.

"No indeed," answered Guph. "I am a Nome, and the Chief General
of King Roquat the Red's great army of Nomes. I come of a long-lived
race, and I may say that I expect to live a long time yet. Sit down,
you Phanfasms--if you can find a seat in this wild haunt--and listen
to what I have to say."

With all his knowledge and bravery General Guph did not know
that the steady glare from the bear eyes was reading his inmost
thoughts as surely as if they had been put into words. He did not
know that these despised rock heaps of the Phanfasms were merely
deceptions to his own eyes, nor could he guess that he was standing
in the midst of one of the most splendid and luxurious cities ever
built by magic power. All that he saw was a barren waste of rock
heaps, a hairy man with an owl's head and another with a bear's head.
The sorcery of the Phanfasms permitted him to see no more.

Suddenly the First and Foremost swung his brass hoop and caught
Guph around the neck with it. The next instant, before the General
could think what had happened to him, he was dragged inside the rock
hut. Here, his eyes still blinded to realities, he perceived only a
dim light, by which the hut seemed as rough and rude inside as it was
outside. Yet he had a strange feeling that many bright eyes were
fastened upon him and that he stood in a vast and extensive hall.

The First and Foremost now laughed grimly and released his
prisoner.

"If you have anything to say that is interesting," he remarked,
"speak out ,before I strangle you."

So Guph spoke out. He tried not to pay any attention to a
strange rustling sound that he heard, as of an unseen multitude
drawing near to listen to his words. His eyes could see only the
fierce bear-man, and to him he addressed his speech. First he told
of his plan to conquer the Land of Oz and plunder the country of its
riches and enslave its people, who, being fairies, could not be
killed. After relating all this, and telling of the tunnel the Nome
King was building, he said he had come to ask the First and Foremost
to join the Nomes, with his band of terrible warriors, and help them
to defeat the Oz people.

The General spoke very earnestly and impressively, but when he
had finished the bear-man began to laugh as if much amused, and his
laughter seemed to be echoed by a chorus of merriment from an unseen
multitude. Then, for the first time, Guph began to feel a trifle
worried.

"Who else has promised to help you?" finally asked the First and
Foremost.

"The Whimsies," replied the General.

Again the bear-headed Phanfasm laughed.

"Any others?" he inquired.

"Only the Growleywogs," said Guph.

This answer set the First and Foremost laughing anew.

"What share of the spoils am I to have?" was the next
question.

"Anything you like, except King Roquat's Magic Belt," replied
Guph.

At this the Phanfasm set up a roar of laughter, which had its
echo in the unseen chorus, and the bear-man seemed so amused that he
actually rolled upon the ground and shouted with merriment.

"Oh, these blind and foolish Nomes!" he said. "How big they
seem to themselves and how small they really are!"

Suddenly he arose and seized Guph's neck with one hairy paw,
dragging him out of the hut into the open.

Here he gave a curious wailing cry, and, as if in answer, from
all the rocky huts on the mountain-top came flocking a horde of
Phanfasms, all with hairy bodies, but wearing heads of various
animals, birds and reptiles. All were ferocious and
repulsive-looking to the deceived eyes of the Nome, and Guph could
not repress a shudder of disgust as he looked upon them.

The First and Foremost slowly raised his arms, and in a
twinkling his hairy skin fell from him and he appeared before the
astonished Nome as a beautiful woman, clothed in a flowing gown of
pink gauze. In her dark hair flowers were entwined, and her face was
noble and calm.

At the same instant the entire band of Phanfasms was transformed
into a pack of howling wolves, running here and there as they snarled
and showed their ugly yellow fangs.

The woman now raised her arms, even as the man-bear had done,
and in a twinkling the wolves became crawling lizards, while she
herself changed into a huge butterfly.

Guph had only time to cry out in fear and take a step backward
to avoid the lizards when another transformation occurred, and all
returned instantly to the forms they had originally worn.

Then the First and Foremost, who had resumed his hairy body and
bear head, turned to the Nome and asked

"Do you still demand our assistance?"

"More than ever," answered the General, firmly.

"Then tell me: what can you offer the Phanfasms that they have
not already?" inquired the First and Foremost.

Guph hesitated. He really did not know what to say. The Nome
King's vaunted Magic Belt seemed a poor thing compared to the
astonishing magical powers of these people. Gold, jewels and slaves
they might secure in any quantity without especial effort. He felt
that he was dealing with powers greatly beyond him. There was but
one argument that might influence the Phanfasms, who were creatures
of evil.

"Permit me to call your attention to the exquisite joy of making
the happy unhappy," said he at last. "Consider the pleasure of
destroying innocent and harmless people."

"Ah! you have answered me," cried the First and Foremost. "For
that reason alone we will aid you. Go home, and tell your
bandy-legged king that as soon as his tunnel is finished the
Phanfasms will be with him and lead his legions to the conquest of
Oz. The deadly desert alone has kept us from destroying Oz long ago,
and your underground tunnel is a clever thought. Go home, and
prepare for our coming!"

Guph was very glad to be permitted to go with this promise. The
owl-man led him back down the mountain path and ordered the scarlet
alligator to crawl away and allow the Nome to cross the bridge in
safety.

After the visitor had gone a brilliant and gorgeous city
appeared upon the mountain top, clearly visible to the eyes of the
gaily dressed multitude of Phanfasms that lived there. And the First
and Foremost, beautifully arrayed, addressed the others in these
words:

"It is time we went into the world and brought sorrow and dismay
to its people. Too long have we remained for ourselves upon this
mountain top, for while we are thus secluded many nations have grown
happy and prosperous, and the chief joy of the race of Phanfasms is
to destroy happiness. So I think it is lucky that this messenger
from the Nomes arrived among us just now, to remind us that the
opportunity has come for us to make trouble. We will use King
Roquat's tunnel to conquer the Land of Oz. Then we will destroy the
Whimsies, the Growleywogs and the Nomes, and afterward go out to
ravage and annoy and grieve the whole world."

The multitude of evil Phanfasms eagerly applauded this plan,
which they fully approved.

I am told that the Erbs are the most powerful and merciless of
all the evil spirits, and the Phanfasms of Phantastico belong to the
race of Erbs.