Chapter 24

Nicholas Nickleby

by Charles Dickens

Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first
Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage

Nicholas was up betimes in the morning; but he had scarcely
begun to dress, notwithstanding, when he heard footsteps ascending
the stairs, and was presently saluted by the voices of Mr Folair the
pantomimist, and Mr Lenville, the tragedian.

'House, house, house!' cried Mr Folair.

'What, ho! within there" said Mr Lenville, in a deep voice.

'Confound these fellows!' thought Nicholas; 'they have come to
breakfast, I suppose. I'll open the door directly, if you'll wait an
instant.'

The gentlemen entreated him not to hurry himself; and, to
beguile the interval, had a fencing bout with their walking-sticks on
the very small landing-place: to the unspeakable discomposure of all
the other lodgers downstairs.

'Here, come in,' said Nicholas, when he had completed his
toilet. 'In the name of all that's horrible, don't make that noise
outside.'

'An uncommon snug little box this,' said Mr Lenville, stepping
into the front room, and taking his hat off, before he could get in
at all. 'Pernicious snug.'

'For a man at all particular in such matters, it might be a
trifle too snug,' said Nicholas; 'for, although it is, undoubtedly, a
great convenience to be able to reach anything you want from the
ceiling or the floor, or either side of the room, without having to
move from your chair, still these advantages can only be had in an
apartment of the most limited size.'

'It isn't a bit too confined for a single man,' returned Mr
Lenville. 'That reminds me,--my wife, Mr Johnson,--I hope she'll
have some good part in this piece of yours?'

'I glanced at the French copy last night,' said Nicholas. 'It
looks very good, I think.'

'What do you mean to do for me, old fellow?' asked Mr Lenville,
poking the struggling fire with his walking-stick, and afterwards
wiping it on the skirt of his coat. 'Anything in the gruff and
grumble way?'

'You turn your wife and child out of doors,' said Nicholas;
'and, in a fit of rage and jealousy, stab your eldest son in the
library.'

'Do I though!' exclaimed Mr Lenville. 'That's very good
business.'

'After which,' said Nicholas, 'you are troubled with remorse
till the last act, and then you make up your mind to destroy
yourself. But, just as you are raising the pistol to your head, a
clock strikes--ten.'

'I see,' cried Mr Lenville. 'Very good.'

'You pause,' said Nicholas; 'you recollect to have heard a clock
strike ten in your infancy. The pistol falls from your hand--you are
overcome--you burst into tears, and become a virtuous and exemplary
character for ever afterwards.'

'Capital!' said Mr Lenville: 'that's a sure card, a sure card.
Get the curtain down with a touch of nature like that, and it'll be a
triumphant success.'

'Is there anything good for me?' inquired Mr Folair,
anxiously.

'Let me see,' said Nicholas. 'You play the faithful and
attached servant; you are turned out of doors with the wife and
child.'

'Always coupled with that infernal phenomenon,' sighed Mr
Folair; 'and we go into poor lodgings, where I won't take any wages,
and talk sentiment, I suppose?'

'Why--yes,' replied Nicholas: 'that is the course of the
piece.'

'I must have a dance of some kind, you know,' said Mr Folair.
'You'll have to introduce one for the phenomenon, so you'd better
make a pas de deux, and save time.'

'There's nothing easier than that,' said Mr Lenville, observing
the disturbed looks of the young dramatist.

'Upon my word I don't see how it's to be done,' rejoined
Nicholas.

'Why, isn't it obvious?' reasoned Mr Lenville. 'Gadzooks, who
can help seeing the way to do it?--you astonish me! You get the
distressed lady, and the little child, and the attached servant, into
the poor lodgings, don't you?--Well, look here. The distressed lady
sinks into a chair, and buries her face in her pocket- handkerchief.
"What makes you weep, mama?" says the child. "Don't weep, mama, or
you'll make me weep too!"--"And me!" says the favourite servant,
rubbing his eyes with his arm. "What can we do to raise your
spirits, dear mama?" says the little child. "Ay, what can we do?"
says the faithful servant. "Oh, Pierre!" says the distressed lady;
"would that I could shake off these painful thoughts."--"Try, ma'am,
try," says the faithful servant; "rouse yourself, ma'am; be
amused."--"I will," says the lady, "I will learn to suffer with
fortitude. Do you remember that dance, my honest friend, which, in
happier days, you practised with this sweet angel? It never failed to
calm my spirits then. Oh! let me see it once again before I
die!"--There it is--cue for the band, before I die,-- and off they
go. That's the regular thing; isn't it, Tommy?'

'That's it,' replied Mr Folair. 'The distressed lady,
overpowered by old recollections, faints at the end of the dance, and
you close in with a picture.'

Profiting by these and other lessons, which were the result of
the personal experience of the two actors, Nicholas willingly gave
them the best breakfast he could, and, when he at length got rid of
them, applied himself to his task: by no means displeased to find
that it was so much easier than he had at first supposed. He worked
very hard all day, and did not leave his room until the evening, when
he went down to the theatre, whither Smike had repaired before him to
go on with another gentleman as a general rebellion.

Here all the people were so much changed, that he scarcely knew
them. False hair, false colour, false calves, false muscles--they
had become different beings. Mr Lenville was a blooming warrior of
most exquisite proportions; Mr Crummles, his large face shaded by a
profusion of black hair, a Highland outlaw of most majestic bearing;
one of the old gentlemen a jailer, and the other a venerable
patriarch; the comic countryman, a fighting-man of great valour,
relieved by a touch of humour; each of the Master Crummleses a prince
in his own right; and the low-spirited lover, a desponding captive.
There was a gorgeous banquet ready spread for the third act,
consisting of two pasteboard vases, one plate of biscuits, a black
bottle, and a vinegar cruet; and, in short, everything was on a scale
of the utmost splendour and preparation.

Nicholas was standing with his back to the curtain, now
contemplating the first scene, which was a Gothic archway, about two
feet shorter than Mr Crummles, through which that gentleman was to
make his first entrance, and now listening to a couple of people who
were cracking nuts in the gallery, wondering whether they made the
whole audience, when the manager himself walked familiarly up and
accosted him.

'Been in front tonight?' said Mr Crummles.

'No,' replied Nicholas, 'not yet. I am going to see the
play.'

'We've had a pretty good Let,' said Mr Crummles. 'Four front
places in the centre, and the whole of the stage-box.'

'Oh, indeed!' said Nicholas; 'a family, I suppose?'

'Yes,' replied Mr Crummles, 'yes. It's an affecting thing.
There are six children, and they never come unless the phenomenon
plays.'

It would have been difficult for any party, family, or
otherwise, to have visited the theatre on a night when the phenomenon
did not play, inasmuch as she always sustained one, and not
uncommonly two or three, characters, every night; but Nicholas,
sympathising with the feelings of a father, refrained from hinting at
this trifling circumstance, and Mr Crummles continued to talk,
uninterrupted by him.

'Six,' said that gentleman; 'pa and ma eight, aunt nine,
governess ten, grandfather and grandmother twelve. Then, there's the
footman, who stands outside, with a bag of oranges and a jug of
toast-and- water, and sees the play for nothing through the little
pane of glass in the box-door--it's cheap at a guinea; they gain by
taking a box.'

'I wonder you allow so many,' observed Nicholas.

'There's no help for it,' replied Mr Crummles; 'it's always
expected in the country. If there are six children, six people come
to hold them in their laps. A family-box carries double always.
Ring in the orchestra, Grudden!'

That useful lady did as she was requested, and shortly
afterwards the tuning of three fiddles was heard. Which process
having been protracted as long as it was supposed that the patience
of the audience could possibly bear it, was put a stop to by another
jerk of the bell, which, being the signal to begin in earnest, set
the orchestra playing a variety of popular airs, with involuntary
variations.

If Nicholas had been astonished at the alteration for the better
which the gentlemen displayed, the transformation of the ladies was
still more extraordinary. When, from a snug corner of the manager's
box, he beheld Miss Snevellicci in all the glories of white muslin
with a golden hem, and Mrs Crummles in all the dignity of the
outlaw's wife, and Miss Bravassa in all the sweetness of Miss
Snevellicci's confidential friend, and Miss Belvawney in the white
silks of a page doing duty everywhere and swearing to live and die in
the service of everybody, he could scarcely contain his admiration,
which testified itself in great applause, and the closest possible
attention to the business of the scene. The plot was most
interesting. It belonged to no particular age, people, or country,
and was perhaps the more delightful on that account, as nobody's
previous information could afford the remotest glimmering of what
would ever come of it. An outlaw had been very successful in doing
something somewhere, and came home, in triumph, to the sound of
shouts and fiddles, to greet his wife--a lady of masculine mind, who
talked a good deal about her father's bones, which it seemed were
unburied, though whether from a peculiar taste on the part of the old
gentleman himself, or the reprehensible neglect of his relations, did
not appear. This outlaw's wife was, somehow or other, mixed up with
a patriarch, living in a castle a long way off, and this patriarch
was the father of several of the characters, but he didn't exactly
know which, and was uncertain whether he had brought up the right
ones in his castle, or the wrong ones; he rather inclined to the
latter opinion, and, being uneasy, relieved his mind with a banquet,
during which solemnity somebody in a cloak said 'Beware!' which
somebody was known by nobody (except the audience) to be the outlaw
himself, who had come there, for reasons unexplained, but possibly
with an eye to the spoons. There was an agreeable little surprise in
the way of certain love passages between the desponding captive and
Miss Snevellicci, and the comic fighting-man and Miss Bravassa;
besides which, Mr Lenville had several very tragic scenes in the
dark, while on throat-cutting expeditions, which were all baffled by
the skill and bravery of the comic fighting-man (who overheard
whatever was said all through the piece) and the intrepidity of Miss
Snevellicci, who adopted tights, and therein repaired to the prison
of her captive lover, with a small basket of refreshments and a dark
lantern. At last, it came out that the patriarch was the man who had
treated the bones of the outlaw's father-in-law with so much
disrespect, for which cause and reason the outlaw's wife repaired to
his castle to kill him, and so got into a dark room, where, after a
good deal of groping in the dark, everybody got hold of everybody
else, and took them for somebody besides, which occasioned a vast
quantity of confusion, with some pistolling, loss of life, and
torchlight; after which, the patriarch came forward, and observing,
with a knowing look, that he knew all about his children now, and
would tell them when they got inside, said that there could not be a
more appropriate occasion for marrying the young people than that;
and therefore he joined their hands, with the full consent of the
indefatigable page, who (being the only other person surviving)
pointed with his cap into the clouds, and his right hand to the
ground; thereby invoking a blessing and giving the cue for the
curtain to come down, which it did, amidst general applause.

'What did you think of that?' asked Mr Crummles, when Nicholas
went round to the stage again. Mr Crummles was very red and hot, for
your outlaws are desperate fellows to shout.

'I think it was very capital indeed,' replied Nicholas; 'Miss
Snevellicci in particular was uncommonly good.'

'She's a genius,' said Mr Crummles; 'quite a genius, that girl.
By- the-bye, I've been thinking of bringing out that piece of yours
on her bespeak night.'

'When?' asked Nicholas.

'The night of her bespeak. Her benefit night, when her friends
and patrons bespeak the play,' said Mr Crummles.

'Oh! I understand,' replied Nicholas.

'You see,' said Mr. Crummles, 'it's sure to go, on such an
occasion, and even if it should not work up quite as well as we
expect, why it will be her risk, you know, and not ours.'

'Yours, you mean,' said Nicholas.

'I said mine, didn't I?' returned Mr Crummles. 'Next Monday
week. What do you say? You'll have done it, and are sure to be up in
the lover's part, long before that time.'

'I don't know about "long before,"' replied Nicholas; 'but by
that time I think I can undertake to be ready.'

'Very good,' pursued Mr Crummles, 'then we'll call that settled.
Now, I want to ask you something else. There's a little--what shall
I call it?--a little canvassing takes place on these occasions.'

'Among the patrons, I suppose?' said Nicholas.

'Among the patrons; and the fact is, that Snevellicci has had so
many bespeaks in this place, that she wants an attraction. She had a
bespeak when her mother-in-law died, and a bespeak when her uncle
died; and Mrs Crummles and myself have had bespeaks on the
anniversary of the phenomenon's birthday, and our wedding-day, and
occasions of that description, so that, in fact, there's some
difficulty in getting a good one. Now, won't you help this poor
girl, Mr Johnson?' said Crummles, sitting himself down on a drum, and
taking a great pinch of snuff, as he looked him steadily in the
face.

'How do you mean?' rejoined Nicholas.

'Don't you think you could spare half an hour tomorrow morning,
to call with her at the houses of one or two of the principal
people?' murmured the manager in a persuasive tone.

'Oh dear me,' said Nicholas, with an air of very strong
objection, 'I shouldn't like to do that.'

'The infant will accompany her,' said Mr Crummles. 'The moment
it was suggested to me, I gave permission for the infant to go.
There will not be the smallest impropriety--Miss Snevellicci, sir, is
the very soul of honour. It would be of material service--the
gentleman from London--author of the new piece--actor in the new
piece--first appearance on any boards--it would lead to a great
bespeak, Mr Johnson.'

'I am very sorry to throw a damp upon the prospects of anybody,
and more especially a lady,' replied Nicholas; 'but really I must
decidedly object to making one of the canvassing party.'

'What does Mr Johnson say, Vincent?' inquired a voice close to
his ear; and, looking round, he found Mrs Crummles and Miss
Snevellicci herself standing behind him.

'He has some objection, my dear,' replied Mr Crummles, looking
at Nicholas.

'Objection!' exclaimed Mrs Crummles. 'Can it be possible?'

'Oh, I hope not!' cried Miss Snevellicci. 'You surely are not
so cruel--oh, dear me!--Well, I--to think of that now, after all
one's looking forward to it!'

'Mr Johnson will not persist, my dear,' said Mrs Crummles.
'Think better of him than to suppose it. Gallantry, humanity, all
the best feelings of his nature, must be enlisted in this interesting
cause.'

'Which moves even a manager,' said Mr Crummles, smiling.

'And a manager's wife,' added Mrs Crummles, in her accustomed
tragedy tones. 'Come, come, you will relent, I know you will.'

'It is not in my nature,' said Nicholas, moved by these appeals,
'to resist any entreaty, unless it is to do something positively
wrong; and, beyond a feeling of pride, I know nothing which should
prevent my doing this. I know nobody here, and nobody knows me. So
be it then. I yield.'

Miss Snevellicci was at once overwhelmed with blushes and
expressions of gratitude, of which latter commodity neither Mr nor
Mrs Crummles was by any means sparing. It was arranged that Nicholas
should call upon her, at her lodgings, at eleven next morning, and
soon after they parted: he to return home to his authorship: Miss
Snevellicci to dress for the after-piece: and the disinterested
manager and his wife to discuss the probable gains of the forthcoming
bespeak, of which they were to have two-thirds of the profits by
solemn treaty of agreement.

At the stipulated hour next morning, Nicholas repaired to the
lodgings of Miss Snevellicci, which were in a place called Lombard
Street, at the house of a tailor. A strong smell of ironing pervaded
the little passage; and the tailor's daughter, who opened the door,
appeared in that flutter of spirits which is so often attendant upon
the periodical getting up of a family's linen.

'Miss Snevellicci lives here, I believe?' said Nicholas, when
the door was opened.

The tailor's daughter replied in the affirmative.

'Will you have the goodness to let her know that Mr Johnson is
here?' said Nicholas.

'Oh, if you please, you're to come upstairs,' replied the
tailor's daughter, with a smile.

Nicholas followed the young lady, and was shown into a small
apartment on the first floor, communicating with a back-room; in
which, as he judged from a certain half-subdued clinking sound, as of
cups and saucers, Miss Snevellicci was then taking her breakfast in
bed.

'You're to wait, if you please,' said the tailor's daughter,
after a short period of absence, during which the clinking in the
back-room had ceased, and been succeeded by whispering--'She won't be
long.'

As she spoke, she pulled up the window-blind, and having by this
means (as she thought) diverted Mr Johnson's attention from the room
to the street, caught up some articles which were airing on the
fender, and had very much the appearance of stockings, and darted
off.

As there were not many objects of interest outside the window,
Nicholas looked about the room with more curiosity than he might
otherwise have bestowed upon it. On the sofa lay an old guitar,
several thumbed pieces of music, and a scattered litter of curl-
papers; together with a confused heap of play-bills, and a pair of
soiled white satin shoes with large blue rosettes. Hanging over the
back of a chair was a half-finished muslin apron with little pockets
ornamented with red ribbons, such as waiting-women wear on the stage,
and (by consequence) are never seen with anywhere else. In one
corner stood the diminutive pair of top-boots in which Miss
Snevellicci was accustomed to enact the little jockey, and, folded on
a chair hard by, was a small parcel, which bore a very suspicious
resemblance to the companion smalls.

But the most interesting object of all was, perhaps, the open
scrapbook, displayed in the midst of some theatrical duodecimos that
were strewn upon the table; and pasted into which scrapbook were
various critical notices of Miss Snevellicci's acting, extracted from
different provincial journals, together with one poetic address in
her honour, commencing--

Sing, God of Love, and tell me in what dearth
Thrice-gifted Snevellicci came on earth, To thrill us with her
smile, her tear, her eye, Sing, God of Love, and tell me quickly
why. Besides this effusion, there were innumerable complimentary
allusions, also extracted from newspapers, such as--'We observe from
an advertisement in another part of our paper of today, that the
charming and highly-talented Miss Snevellicci takes her benefit on
Wednesday, for which occasion she has put forth a bill of fare that
might kindle exhilaration in the breast of a misanthrope. In the
confidence that our fellow-townsmen have not lost that high
appreciation of public utility and private worth, for which they have
long been so pre-eminently distinguished, we predict that this
charming actress will be greeted with a bumper.' 'To
Correspondents.--J.S. is misinformed when he supposes that the
highly-gifted and beautiful Miss Snevellicci, nightly captivating all
hearts at our pretty and commodious little theatre, is not the same
lady to whom the young gentleman of immense fortune, residing within
a hundred miles of the good city of York, lately made honourable
proposals. We have reason to know that Miss Snevellicci is the lady
who was implicated in that mysterious and romantic affair, and whose
conduct on that occasion did no less honour to her head and heart,
than do her histrionic triumphs to her brilliant genius.' A copious
assortment of such paragraphs as these, with long bills of benefits
all ending with 'Come Early', in large capitals, formed the principal
contents of Miss Snevellicci's scrapbook.

Nicholas had read a great many of these scraps, and was absorbed
in a circumstantial and melancholy account of the train of events
which had led to Miss Snevellicci's spraining her ankle by slipping
on a piece of orange-peel flung by a monster in human form, (so the
paper said,) upon the stage at Winchester,--when that young lady
herself, attired in the coal-scuttle bonnet and walking-dress
complete, tripped into the room, with a thousand apologies for having
detained him so long after the appointed time.

'But really,' said Miss Snevellicci, 'my darling Led, who lives
with me here, was taken so very ill in the night that I thought she
would have expired in my arms.'

'Such a fate is almost to be envied,' returned Nicholas, 'but I
am very sorry to hear it nevertheless.'

'What a creature you are to flatter!' said Miss Snevellicci,
buttoning her glove in much confusion.

'If it be flattery to admire your charms and accomplishments,'
rejoined Nicholas, laying his hand upon the scrapbook, 'you have
better specimens of it here.'

'Oh you cruel creature, to read such things as those! I'm
almost ashamed to look you in the face afterwards, positively I am,'
said Miss Snevellicci, seizing the book and putting it away in a
closet. 'How careless of Led! How could she be so naughty!'

'I thought you had kindly left it here, on purpose for me to
read,' said Nicholas. And really it did seem possible.

'I wouldn't have had you see it for the world!' rejoined Miss
Snevellicci. 'I never was so vexed--never! But she is such a
careless thing, there's no trusting her.'

The conversation was here interrupted by the entrance of the
phenomenon, who had discreetly remained in the bedroom up to this
moment, and now presented herself, with much grace and lightness,
bearing in her hand a very little green parasol with a broad fringe
border, and no handle. After a few words of course, they sallied
into the street.

The phenomenon was rather a troublesome companion, for first the
right sandal came down, and then the left, and these mischances being
repaired, one leg of the little white trousers was discovered to be
longer than the other; besides these accidents, the green parasol was
dropped down an iron grating, and only fished up again with great
difficulty and by dint of much exertion. However, it was impossible
to scold her, as she was the manager's daughter, so Nicholas took it
all in perfect good humour, and walked on, with Miss Snevellicci,
arm-in-arm on one side, and the offending infant on the other.

The first house to which they bent their steps, was situated in
a terrace of respectable appearance. Miss Snevellicci's modest
double-knock was answered by a foot-boy, who, in reply to her inquiry
whether Mrs Curdle was at home, opened his eyes very wide, grinned
very much, and said he didn't know, but he'd inquire. With this he
showed them into a parlour where he kept them waiting, until the two
women-servants had repaired thither, under false pretences, to see
the play-actors; and having compared notes with them in the passage,
and joined in a vast quantity of whispering and giggling, he at
length went upstairs with Miss Snevellicci's name.

Now, Mrs Curdle was supposed, by those who were best informed on
such points, to possess quite the London taste in matters relating to
literature and the drama; and as to Mr Curdle, he had written a
pamphlet of sixty-four pages, post octavo, on the character of the
Nurse's deceased husband in Romeo and Juliet, with an inquiry whether
he really had been a 'merry man' in his lifetime, or whether it was
merely his widow's affectionate partiality that induced her so to
report him. He had likewise proved, that by altering the received
mode of punctuation, any one of Shakespeare's plays could be made
quite different, and the sense completely changed; it is needless to
say, therefore, that he was a great critic, and a very profound and
most original thinker.

'Well, Miss Snevellicci,' said Mrs Curdle, entering the parlour,
'and how do you do?'

Miss Snevellicci made a graceful obeisance, and hoped Mrs Curdle
was well, as also Mr Curdle, who at the same time appeared. Mrs
Curdle was dressed in a morning wrapper, with a little cap stuck upon
the top of her head. Mr Curdle wore a loose robe on his back, and
his right forefinger on his forehead after the portraits of Sterne,
to whom somebody or other had once said he bore a striking
resemblance.

'I venture to call, for the purpose of asking whether you would
put your name to my bespeak, ma'am,' said Miss Snevellicci, producing
documents.

'Oh! I really don't know what to say,' replied Mrs Curdle.
'It's not as if the theatre was in its high and palmy days--you
needn't stand, Miss Snevellicci--the drama is gone, perfectly
gone.'

'As an exquisite embodiment of the poet's visions, and a
realisation of human intellectuality, gilding with refulgent light
our dreamy moments, and laying open a new and magic world before the
mental eye, the drama is gone, perfectly gone,' said Mr Curdle.

'What man is there, now living, who can present before us all
those changing and prismatic colours with which the character of
Hamlet is invested?' exclaimed Mrs Curdle.

'What man indeed--upon the stage,' said Mr Curdle, with a small
reservation in favour of himself. 'Hamlet! Pooh! ridiculous! Hamlet
is gone, perfectly gone.'

Quite overcome by these dismal reflections, Mr and Mrs Curdle
sighed, and sat for some short time without speaking. At length, the
lady, turning to Miss Snevellicci, inquired what play she proposed to
have.

'Quite a new one,' said Miss Snevellicci, 'of which this
gentleman is the author, and in which he plays; being his first
appearance on any stage. Mr Johnson is the gentleman's name.'

'I hope you have preserved the unities, sir?' said Mr Curdle.

'The original piece is a French one,' said Nicholas. 'There is
abundance of incident, sprightly dialogue, strongly-marked
characters--'

'--All unavailing without a strict observance of the unities,
sir,' returned Mr Curdle. 'The unities of the drama, before
everything.'

'Might I ask you,' said Nicholas, hesitating between the respect
he ought to assume, and his love of the whimsical, 'might I ask you
what the unities are?'

Mr Curdle coughed and considered. 'The unities, sir,' he said,
'are a completeness--a kind of universal dovetailedness with regard
to place and time--a sort of a general oneness, if I may be allowed
to use so strong an expression. I take those to be the dramatic
unities, so far as I have been enabled to bestow attention upon them,
and I have read much upon the subject, and thought much. I find,
running through the performances of this child,' said Mr Curdle,
turning to the phenomenon, 'a unity of feeling, a breadth, a light
and shade, a warmth of colouring, a tone, a harmony, a glow, an
artistical development of original conceptions, which I look for, in
vain, among older performers--I don't know whether I make myself
understood?'

'Perfectly,' replied Nicholas.

'Just so,' said Mr Curdle, pulling up his neckcloth. 'That is
my definition of the unities of the drama.'

Mrs Curdle had sat listening to this lucid explanation with
great complacency. It being finished, she inquired what Mr Curdle
thought, about putting down their names.

'I don't know, my dear; upon my word I don't know,' said Mr
Curdle. 'If we do, it must be distinctly understood that we do not
pledge ourselves to the quality of the performances. Let it go forth
to the world, that we do not give them the sanction of our names, but
that we confer the distinction merely upon Miss Snevellicci. That
being clearly stated, I take it to be, as it were, a duty, that we
should extend our patronage to a degraded stage, even for the sake of
the associations with which it is entwined. Have you got two-
and-sixpence for half-a-crown, Miss Snevellicci?' said Mr Curdle,
turning over four of those pieces of money.

Miss Snevellicci felt in all the corners of the pink reticule,
but there was nothing in any of them. Nicholas murmured a jest about
his being an author, and thought it best not to go through the form
of feeling in his own pockets at all.

'Let me see,' said Mr Curdle; 'twice four's eight--four
shillings a-piece to the boxes, Miss Snevellicci, is exceedingly dear
in the present state of the drama--three half-crowns is
seven-and-six; we shall not differ about sixpence, I suppose?
Sixpence will not part us, Miss Snevellicci?'

Poor Miss Snevellicci took the three half-crowns, with many
smiles and bends, and Mrs Curdle, adding several supplementary
directions relative to keeping the places for them, and dusting the
seat, and sending two clean bills as soon as they came out, rang the
bell, as a signal for breaking up the conference.

'Odd people those,' said Nicholas, when they got clear of the
house.

'I assure you,' said Miss Snevellicci, taking his arm, 'that I
think myself very lucky they did not owe all the money instead of
being sixpence short. Now, if you were to succeed, they would give
people to understand that they had always patronised you; and if you
were to fail, they would have been quite certain of that from the
very beginning.'

At the next house they visited, they were in great glory; for,
there, resided the six children who were so enraptured with the
public actions of the phenomenon, and who, being called down from the
nursery to be treated with a private view of that young lady,
proceeded to poke their fingers into her eyes, and tread upon her
toes, and show her many other little attentions peculiar to their
time of life.

'I shall certainly persuade Mr Borum to take a private box,'
said the lady of the house, after a most gracious reception. 'I
shall only take two of the children, and will make up the rest of the
party, of gentlemen--your admirers, Miss Snevellicci. Augustus, you
naughty boy, leave the little girl alone.'

This was addressed to a young gentleman who was pinching the
phenomenon behind, apparently with a view of ascertaining whether she
was real.

'I am sure you must be very tired,' said the mama, turning to
Miss Snevellicci. 'I cannot think of allowing you to go, without
first taking a glass of wine. Fie, Charlotte, I am ashamed of you!
Miss Lane, my dear, pray see to the children.'

Miss Lane was the governess, and this entreaty was rendered
necessary by the abrupt behaviour of the youngest Miss Borum, who,
having filched the phenomenon's little green parasol, was now
carrying it bodily off, while the distracted infant looked helplessly
on.

'I am sure, where you ever learnt to act as you do,' said good-
natured Mrs Borum, turning again to Miss Snevellicci, 'I cannot
understand (Emma, don't stare so); laughing in one piece, and crying
in the next, and so natural in all--oh, dear!'

'I am very happy to hear you express so favourable an opinion,'
said Miss Snevellicci. 'It's quite delightful to think you like
it.'

'Like it!' cried Mrs Borum. 'Who can help liking it? I would
go to the play, twice a week if I could: I dote upon it--only you're
too affecting sometimes. You do put me in such a state--into such
fits of crying! Goodness gracious me, Miss Lane, how can you let
them torment that poor child so!'

The phenomenon was really in a fair way of being torn limb from
limb; for two strong little boys, one holding on by each of her
hands, were dragging her in different directions as a trial of
strength. However, Miss Lane (who had herself been too much occupied
in contemplating the grown-up actors, to pay the necessary attention
to these proceedings) rescued the unhappy infant at this juncture,
who, being recruited with a glass of wine, was shortly afterwards
taken away by her friends, after sustaining no more serious damage
than a flattening of the pink gauze bonnet, and a rather extensive
creasing of the white frock and trousers.

It was a trying morning; for there were a great many calls to
make, and everybody wanted a different thing. Some wanted tragedies,
and others comedies; some objected to dancing; some wanted scarcely
anything else. Some thought the comic singer decidedly low, and
others hoped he would have more to do than he usually had. Some
people wouldn't promise to go, because other people wouldn't promise
to go; and other people wouldn't go at all, because other people
went. At length, and by little and little, omitting something in
this place, and adding something in that, Miss Snevellicci pledged
herself to a bill of fare which was comprehensive enough, if it had
no other merit (it included among other trifles, four pieces, divers
songs, a few combats, and several dances); and they returned home,
pretty well exhausted with the business of the day.

Nicholas worked away at the piece, which was speedily put into
rehearsal, and then worked away at his own part, which he studied
with great perseverance and acted--as the whole company said--to
perfection. And at length the great day arrived. The crier was sent
round, in the morning, to proclaim the entertainments with the sound
of bell in all the thoroughfares; and extra bills of three feet long
by nine inches wide, were dispersed in all directions, flung down all
the areas, thrust under all the knockers, and developed in all the
shops. They were placarded on all the walls too, though not with
complete success, for an illiterate person having undertaken this
office during the indisposition of the regular bill-sticker, a part
were posted sideways, and the remainder upside down.

At half-past five, there was a rush of four people to the
gallery- door; at a quarter before six, there were at least a dozen;
at six o'clock the kicks were terrific; and when the elder Master
Crummles opened the door, he was obliged to run behind it for his
life. Fifteen shillings were taken by Mrs Grudden in the first ten
minutes.

Behind the scenes, the same unwonted excitement prevailed. Miss
Snevellicci was in such a perspiration that the paint would scarcely
stay on her face. Mrs Crummles was so nervous that she could hardly
remember her part. Miss Bravassa's ringlets came out of curl with
the heat and anxiety; even Mr Crummles himself kept peeping through
the hole in the curtain, and running back, every now and then, to
announce that another man had come into the pit.

At last, the orchestra left off, and the curtain rose upon the
new piece. The first scene, in which there was nobody particular,
passed off calmly enough, but when Miss Snevellicci went on in the
second, accompanied by the phenomenon as child, what a roar of
applause broke out! The people in the Borum box rose as one man,
waving their hats and handkerchiefs, and uttering shouts of 'Bravo!'
Mrs Borum and the governess cast wreaths upon the stage, of which,
some fluttered into the lamps, and one crowned the temples of a fat
gentleman in the pit, who, looking eagerly towards the scene,
remained unconscious of the honour; the tailor and his family kicked
at the panels of the upper boxes till they threatened to come out
altogether; the very ginger-beer boy remained transfixed in the
centre of the house; a young officer, supposed to entertain a passion
for Miss Snevellicci, stuck his glass in his eye as though to hide a
tear. Again and again Miss Snevellicci curtseyed lower and lower,
and again and again the applause came down, louder and louder. At
length, when the phenomenon picked up one of the smoking wreaths and
put it on, sideways, over Miss Snevellicci's eye, it reached its
climax, and the play proceeded.

But when Nicholas came on for his crack scene with Mrs Crummles,
what a clapping of hands there was! When Mrs Crummles (who was his
unworthy mother), sneered, and called him 'presumptuous boy,' and he
defied her, what a tumult of applause came on! When he quarrelled
with the other gentleman about the young lady, and producing a case
of pistols, said, that if he was a gentleman, he would fight him in
that drawing-room, until the furniture was sprinkled with the blood
of one, if not of two--how boxes, pit, and gallery, joined in one
most vigorous cheer! When he called his mother names, because she
wouldn't give up the young lady's property, and she relenting, caused
him to relent likewise, and fall down on one knee and ask her
blessing, how the ladies in the audience sobbed! When he was hid
behind the curtain in the dark, and the wicked relation poked a sharp
sword in every direction, save where his legs were plainly visible,
what a thrill of anxious fear ran through the house! His air, his
figure, his walk, his look, everything he said or did, was the
subject of commendation. There was a round of applause every time he
spoke. And when, at last, in the pump-and-tub scene, Mrs Grudden
lighted the blue fire, and all the unemployed members of the company
came in, and tumbled down in various directions--not because that had
anything to do with the plot, but in order to finish off with a
tableau--the audience (who had by this time increased considerably)
gave vent to such a shout of enthusiasm as had not been heard in
those walls for many and many a day.

In short, the success both of new piece and new actor was
complete, and when Miss Snevellicci was called for at the end of the
play, Nicholas led her on, and divided the applause.