Chapter Twenty-Five

Martin Chuzzlewit

by Charles Dickens

IS IN PART PROFESSIONAL, AND FURNISHES THE READER WITH SOME
VALUABLE HINTS IN RELATION TO THE MANAGEMENT OF A SICK CHAMBER

Mr Mould was surrounded by his household gods. He was enjoying
the sweets of domestic repose, and gazing on them with a calm
delight. The day being sultry, and the window open, the legs of Mr
Mould were on the window-seat, and his back reclined against the
shutter. Over his shining head a handkerchief was drawn, to guard
his baldness from the flies. The room was fragrant with the smell of
punch, a tumbler of which grateful compound stood upon a small round
table, convenient to the hand of Mr Mould; so deftly mixed that as
his eye looked down into the cool transparent drink, another eye,
peering brightly from behind the crisp lemon-peel, looked up at him,
and twinkled like a star.

Deep in the City, and within the ward of Cheap, stood Mr Mould's
establishment. His Harem, or, in other words, the common sitting
room of Mrs Mould and family, was at the back, over the little
counting-house behind the shop; abutting on a churchyard small and
shady. In this domestic chamber Mr Mould now sat; gazing, a placid
man, upon his punch and home. If, for a moment at a time, he sought
a wider prospect, whence he might return with freshened zest to these
enjoyments, his moist glance wandered like a sunbeam through a rural
screen of scarlet runners, trained on strings before the window, and
he looked down, with an artist's eye, upon the graves.

The partner of his life, and daughters twain, were Mr Mould's
companions. Plump as any partridge was each Miss Mould, and Mrs M.
was plumper than the two together. So round and chubby were their
fair proportions, that they might have been the bodies once belonging
to the angels' faces in the shop below, grown up, with other heads
attached to make them mortal. Even their peachy cheeks were puffed
out and distended, as though they ought of right to be performing on
celestial trumpets. The bodiless cherubs in the shop, who were
depicted as constantly blowing those instruments for ever and ever
without any lungs, played, it is to be presumed, entirely by ear.

Mr Mould looked lovingly at Mrs Mould, who sat hard by, and was
a helpmate to him in his punch as in all other things. Each seraph
daughter, too, enjoyed her share of his regards, and smiled upon him
in return. So bountiful were Mr Mould's possessions, and so large
his stock in trade, that even there, within his household sanctuary,
stood a cumbrous press, whose mahogany maw was filled with shrouds,
and winding-sheets, and other furniture of funerals. But, though the
Misses Mould had been brought up, as one may say, beneath his eye, it
had cast no shadow on their timid infancy or blooming youth. Sporting
behind the scenes of death and burial from cradlehood, the Misses
Mould knew better. Hat-bands, to them, were but so many yards of
silk or crape; the final robe but such a quantity of linen. The
Misses Mould could idealise a player's habit, or a court-lady's
petticoat, or even an act of parliament. But they were not to be
taken in by palls. They made them sometimes.

The premises of Mr Mould were hard of hearing to the boisterous
noises in the great main streets, and nestled in a quiet corner,
where the City strife became a drowsy hum, that sometimes rose and
sometimes fell and sometimes altogether ceased; suggesting to a
thoughtful mind a stoppage in Cheapside. The light came sparkling in
among the scarlet runners, as if the churchyard winked at Mr Mould,
and said, 'We understand each other;' and from the distant shop a
pleasant sound arose of coffin-making with a low melodious hammer,
rat, tat, tat, tat, alike promoting slumber and digestion.

'Quite the buzz of insects,' said Mr Mould, closing his eyes in
a perfect luxury. 'It puts one in mind of the sound of animated
nature in the agricultural districts. It's exactly like the
woodpecker tapping.'

'The woodpecker tapping the hollow elm tree,' observed Mrs
Mould, adapting the words of the popular melody to the description of
wood commonly used in the trade.

'Ha, ha!' laughed Mr Mould. 'Not at all bad, my dear. We shall
be glad to hear from you again, Mrs M. Hollow elm tree, eh! Ha, ha!
Very good indeed. I've seen worse than that in the Sunday papers, my
love.'

Mrs Mould, thus encouraged, took a little more of the punch, and
handed it to her daughters, who dutifully followed the example of
their mother.

'Hollow elm tree, eh?' said Mr Mould, making a slight motion
with his legs in his enjoyment of the joke. 'It's beech in the song.
Elm, eh? Yes, to be sure. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my soul, that's one of
the best things I know?' He was so excessively tickled by the jest
that he couldn't forget it, but repeated twenty times, 'Elm, eh? Yes,
to be sure. Elm, of course. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my life, you know,
that ought to be sent to somebody who could make use of it. It's one
of the smartest things that ever was said. Hollow elm tree, eh? of
course. Very hollow. Ha, ha, ha!'

Here a knock was heard at the room door.

'That's Tacker, I know,' said Mrs Mould, 'by the wheezing he
makes. Who that hears him now, would suppose he'd ever had wind
enough to carry the feathers on his head! Come in, Tacker.'

'Beg your pardon, ma'am,' said Tacker, looking in a little way.
'I thought our Governor was here.'

'Well! so he is,' cried Mould.

'Oh! I didn't see you, I'm sure,' said Tacker, looking in a
little farther. 'You wouldn't be inclined to take a walking one of
two, with the plain wood and a tin plate, I suppose?'

'Certainly not,' replied Mr Mould, 'much too common. Nothing to
say to it.'

'I told 'em it was precious low,' observed Mr Tacker.

'Tell 'em to go somewhere else. We don't do that style of
business here,' said Mr Mould. 'Like their impudence to propose it.
Who is it?'

'Why,' returned Tacker, pausing, 'that's where it is, you see.
It's the beadle's son-in-law.'

'The beadle's son-in-law, eh?' said Mould. 'Well! I'll do it
if the beadle follows in his cocked hat; not else. We carry it off
that way, by looking official, but it'll be low enough, then. His
cocked hat, mind!'

'I'll take care, sir,' rejoined Tacker. 'Oh! Mrs Gamp's below,
and wants to speak to you.'

'Tell Mrs Gamp to come upstairs,' said Mould. 'Now Mrs Gamp,
what's your news?'

The lady in question was by this time in the doorway, curtseying
to Mrs Mould. At the same moment a peculiar fragrance was borne upon
the breeze, as if a passing fairy had hiccoughed, and had previously
been to a wine-vaults.

Mrs Gamp made no response to Mr Mould, but curtseyed to Mrs
Mould again, and held up her hands and eyes, as in a devout
thanksgiving that she looked so well. She was neatly, but not
gaudily attired, in the weeds she had worn when Mr Pecksniff had the
pleasure of making her acquaintance; and was perhaps the turning of a
scale more snuffy.

'There are some happy creeturs,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'as time
runs back'ards with, and you are one, Mrs Mould; not that he need do
nothing except use you in his most owldacious way for years to come,
I'm sure; for young you are and will be. I says to Mrs Harris,' Mrs
Gamp continued, 'only t'other day; the last Monday evening fortnight
as ever dawned upon this Piljian's Projiss of a mortal wale; I says
to Mrs Harris when she says to me, "Years and our trials, Mrs Gamp,
sets marks upon us all."--"Say not the words, Mrs Harris, if you and
me is to be continual friends, for sech is not the case. Mrs Mould,"
I says, making so free, I will confess, as use the name,' (she
curtseyed here), '"is one of them that goes agen the obserwation
straight; and never, Mrs Harris, whilst I've a drop of breath to
draw, will I set by, and not stand up, don't think it."-- "I ast your
pardon, ma'am," says Mrs Harris, "and I humbly grant your grace; for
if ever a woman lived as would see her feller creeturs into fits to
serve her friends, well do I know that woman's name is Sairey
Gamp."'

At this point she was fain to stop for breath; and advantage may
be taken of the circumstance, to state that a fearful mystery
surrounded this lady of the name of Harris, whom no one in the circle
of Mrs Gamp's acquaintance had ever seen; neither did any human being
know her place of residence, though Mrs Gamp appeared on her own
showing to be in constant communication with her. There were
conflicting rumours on the subject; but the prevalent opinion was
that she was a phantom of Mrs Gamp's brain--as Messrs. Doe and Roe
are fictions of the law--created for the express purpose of holding
visionary dialogues with her on all manner of subjects, and
invariably winding up with a compliment to the excellence of her
nature.

'And likeways what a pleasure,' said Mrs Gamp, turning with a
tearful smile towards the daughters, 'to see them two young ladies as
I know'd afore a tooth in their pretty heads was cut, and have many a
day seen--ah, the sweet creeturs!--playing at berryins down in the
shop, and follerin' the order-book to its long home in the iron safe!
But that's all past and over, Mr Mould;' as she thus got in a
carefully regulated routine to that gentleman, she shook her head
waggishly; 'That's all past and over now, sir, an't it?'

'Changes, Mrs Gamp, changes!' returned the undertaker.

'More changes too, to come, afore we've done with changes, sir,'
said Mrs Gamp, nodding yet more waggishly than before. 'Young ladies
with such faces thinks of something else besides berryins, don't
they, sir?'

'I am sure I don't know, Mrs Gamp,' said Mould, with a
chuckle--'Not bad in Mrs Gamp, my dear?'

'Oh yes, you do know, sir!' said Mrs Gamp, 'and so does Mrs
Mould, your 'ansome pardner too, sir; and so do I, although the
blessing of a daughter was deniged me; which, if we had had one, Gamp
would certainly have drunk its little shoes right off its feet, as
with our precious boy he did, and arterward send the child a errand
to sell his wooden leg for any money it would fetch as matches in the
rough, and bring it home in liquor; which was truly done beyond his
years, for ev'ry individgle penny that child lost at toss or buy for
kidney ones; and come home arterwards quite bold, to break the news,
and offering to drown himself if sech would be a satisfaction to his
parents.--Oh yes, you do know, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, wiping her eye
with her shawl, and resuming the thread of her discourse. 'There's
something besides births and berryins in the newspapers, an't there,
Mr Mould?'

Mr Mould winked at Mrs Mould, whom he had by this time taken on
his knee, and said: 'No doubt. A good deal more, Mrs Gamp. Upon my
life, Mrs Gamp is very far from bad, my dear!'

'There's marryings, an't there, sir?' said Mrs Gamp, while both
the daughters blushed and tittered. 'Bless their precious hearts,
and well they knows it! Well you know'd it too, and well did Mrs
Mould, when you was at their time of life! But my opinion is, you're
all of one age now. For as to you and Mrs Mould, sir, ever having
grandchildren--'

'Oh! Fie, fie! Nonsense, Mrs Gamp,' replied the undertaker.
'Devilish smart, though. Ca-pi-tal!'--this was in a whisper. 'My
dear'--aloud again--'Mrs Gamp can drink a glass of rum, I dare say.
Sit down, Mrs Gamp, sit down.'

Mrs Gamp took the chair that was nearest the door, and casting
up her eyes towards the ceiling, feigned to be wholly insensible to
the fact of a glass of rum being in preparation, until it was placed
in her hand by one of the young ladies, when she exhibited the
greatest surprise.

'A thing,' she said, 'as hardly ever, Mrs Mould, occurs with me
unless it is when I am indispoged, and find my half a pint of porter
settling heavy on the chest. Mrs Harris often and often says to me,
"Sairey Gamp," she says, "you raly do amaze me!" "Mrs Harris," I
says to her, "why so? Give it a name, I beg." "Telling the truth
then, ma'am," says Mrs Harris, "and shaming him as shall be nameless
betwixt you and me, never did I think till I know'd you, as any woman
could sick-nurse and monthly likeways, on the little that you takes
to drink." "Mrs Harris," I says to her, "none on us knows what we
can do till we tries; and wunst, when me and Gamp kept 'ouse, I
thought so too. But now," I says, "my half a pint of porter fully
satisfies; perwisin', Mrs Harris, that it is brought reg'lar, and
draw'd mild. Whether I sicks or monthlies, ma'am, I hope I does my
duty, but I am but a poor woman, and I earns my living hard;
therefore I do require it, which I makes confession, to be brought
reg'lar and draw'd mild."'

The precise connection between these observations and the glass
of rum, did not appear; for Mrs Gamp proposing as a toast 'The best
of lucks to all!' took off the dram in quite a scientific manner,
without any further remarks.

'And what's your news, Mrs Gamp?' asked Mould again, as that
lady wiped her lips upon her shawl, and nibbled a corner off a soft
biscuit, which she appeared to carry in her pocket as a provision
against contingent drams. 'How's Mr Chuffey?'

'Mr Chuffey, sir,' she replied, 'is jest as usual; he an't no
better and he an't no worse. I take it very kind in the gentleman to
have wrote up to you and said, "let Mrs Gamp take care of him till I
come home;" but ev'rythink he does is kind. There an't a many like
him. If there was, we shouldn't want no churches.'

'What do you want to speak to me about, Mrs Gamp?' said Mould,
coming to the point.

'Jest this, sir,' Mrs Gamp returned, 'with thanks to you for
asking. There is a gent, sir, at the Bull in Holborn, as has been
took ill there, and is bad abed. They have a day nurse as was
recommended from Bartholomew's; and well I knows her, Mr Mould, her
name bein' Mrs Prig, the best of creeturs. But she is otherways
engaged at night, and they are in wants of night-watching; consequent
she says to them, having reposed the greatest friendliness in me for
twenty year, "The soberest person going, and the best of blessings in
a sick room, is Mrs Gamp. Send a boy to Kingsgate Street," she says,
"and snap her up at any price, for Mrs Gamp is worth her weight and
more in goldian guineas." My landlord brings the message down to me,
and says, "bein' in a light place where you are, and this job
promising so well, why not unite the two?" "No, sir," I says, "not
unbeknown to Mr Mould, and therefore do not think it. But I will go
to Mr Mould," I says, "and ast him, if you like."' Here she looked
sideways at the undertaker, and came to a stop.

'Night-watching, eh?' said Mould, rubbing his chin.

'From eight o'clock till eight, sir. I will not deceive you,'
Mrs Gamp rejoined.

'And then go back, eh?' said would.

'Quite free, then, sir, to attend to Mr Chuffey. His ways bein'
quiet, and his hours early, he'd be abed, sir, nearly all the time. I
will not deny,' said Mrs Gamp with meekness, 'that I am but a poor
woman, and that the money is a object; but do not let that act upon
you, Mr Mould. Rich folks may ride on camels, but it an't so easy
for 'em to see out of a needle's eye. That is my comfort, and I hope
I knows it.'

'Well, Mrs Gamp,' observed Mould, 'I don't see any particular
objection to your earning an honest penny under such circumstances. I
should keep it quiet, I think, Mrs Gamp. I wouldn't mention it to Mr
Chuzzlewit on his return, for instance, unless it were necessary, or
he asked you pointblank.'

'The very words was on my lips, sir,' Mrs Gamp rejoined.
'Suppoging that the gent should die, I hope I might take the liberty
of saying as I know'd some one in the undertaking line, and yet give
no offence to you, sir?'

'Certainly, Mrs Gamp,' said Mould, with much condescension.
'You may casually remark, in such a case, that we do the thing
pleasantly and in a great variety of styles, and are generally
considered to make it as agreeable as possible to the feelings of the
survivors. But don't obtrude it, don't obtrude it. Easy, easy! My
dear, you may as well give Mrs Gamp a card or two, if you please.'

Mrs Gamp received them, and scenting no more rum in the wind
(for the bottle was locked up again) rose to take her departure.

'Wishing ev'ry happiness to this happy family,' said Mrs Gamp
'with all my heart. Good arternoon, Mrs Mould! If I was Mr would I
should be jealous of you, ma'am; and I'm sure, if I was you, I should
be jealous of Mr Mould.'

'Tut, tut! Bah, bah! Go along, Mrs Gamp!' cried the delighted
undertaker.

'As to the young ladies,' said Mrs Gamp, dropping a curtsey,
'bless their sweet looks--how they can ever reconsize it with their
duties to be so grown up with such young parents, it an't for sech as
me to give a guess at.'

'Nonsense, nonsense. Be off, Mrs Gamp!' cried Mould. But in
the height of his gratification he actually pinched Mrs Mould as he
said it.

'I'll tell you what, my dear,' he observed, when Mrs Gamp had at
last withdrawn and shut the door, 'that's a ve-ry shrewd woman.
That's a woman whose intellect is immensely superior to her station
in life. That's a woman who observes and reflects in an uncommon
manner. She's the sort of woman now,' said Mould, drawing his silk
handkerchief over his head again, and composing himself for a nap
'one would almost feel disposed to bury for nothing; and do it
neatly, too!'

Mrs Mould and her daughters fully concurred in these remarks;
the subject of which had by this time reached the street, where she
experienced so much inconvenience from the air, that she was obliged
to stand under an archway for a short time, to recover herself. Even
after this precaution, she walked so unsteadily as to attract the
compassionate regards of divers kind-hearted boys, who took the
liveliest interest in her disorder; and in their simple language bade
her be of good cheer, for she was 'only a little screwed.'

Whatever she was, or whatever name the vocabulary of medical
science would have bestowed upon her malady, Mrs Gamp was perfectly
acquainted with the way home again; and arriving at the house of
Anthony Chuzzlewit & Son, lay down to rest. Remaining there
until seven o'clock in the evening, and then persuading poor old
Chuffey to betake himself to bed, she sallied forth upon her new
engagement. First, she went to her private lodgings in Kingsgate
Street, for a bundle of robes and wrappings comfortable in the night
season; and then repaired to the Bull in Holborn, which she reached
as the clocks were striking eight.

As she turned into the yard, she stopped; for the landlord,
landlady, and head chambermaid, were all on the threshold together
talking earnestly with a young gentleman who seemed to have just come
or to be just going away. The first words that struck upon Mrs
Gamp's ear obviously bore reference to the patient; and it being
expedient that all good attendants should know as much as possible
about the case on which their skill is brought to bear, Mrs Gamp
listened as a matter of duty.

'No better, then?' observed the gentleman.

'Worse!' said the landlord.

'Much worse,' added the landlady.

'Oh! a deal badder,' cried the chambermaid from the background,
opening her eyes very wide, and shaking her head.

'Poor fellow!' said the gentleman, 'I am sorry to hear it. The
worst of it is, that I have no idea what friends or relations he has,
or where they live, except that it certainly is not in London.'

The landlord looked at the landlady; the landlady looked at the
landlord; and the chambermaid remarked, hysterically, 'that of all
the many wague directions she had ever seen or heerd of (and they
wasn't few in an hotel), that was the waguest.'

'The fact is, you see,' pursued the gentleman, 'as I told you
yesterday when you sent to me, I really know very little about him.
We were school-fellows together; but since that time I have only met
him twice. On both occasions I was in London for a boy's holiday
(having come up for a week or so from Wiltshire), and lost sight of
him again directly. The letter bearing my name and address which you
found upon his table, and which led to your applying to me, is in
answer, you will observe, to one he wrote from this house the very
day he was taken ill, making an appointment with him at his own
request. Here is his letter, if you wish to see it.'

The landlord read it; the landlady looked over him. The
chambermaid, in the background, made out as much of it as she could,
and invented the rest; believing it all from that time forth as a
positive piece of evidence.

'He has very little luggage, you say?' observed the gentleman,
who was no other than our old friend, John Westlock.

'Nothing but a portmanteau,' said the landlord; 'and very little
in it.'

'A few pounds in his purse, though?'

'Yes. It's sealed up, and in the cash-box. I made a memorandum
of the amount, which you're welcome to see.'

'Well!' said John, 'as the medical gentleman says the fever must
take its course, and nothing can be done just now beyond giving him
his drinks regularly and having him carefully attended to, nothing
more can be said that I know of, until he is in a condition to give
us some information. Can you suggest anything else?'

'N-no,' replied the landlord, 'except--'

'Except, who's to pay, I suppose?' said John.

'Why,' hesitated the landlord, 'it would be as well.'

'Quite as well,' said the landlady.

'Not forgetting to remember the servants,' said the chambermaid
in a bland whisper.

'It is but reasonable, I fully admit,' said John Westlock. 'At
all events, you have the stock in hand to go upon for the present;
and I will readily undertake to pay the doctor and the nurses.'

'Ah!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'A rayal gentleman!'

She groaned her admiration so audibly, that they all turned
round. Mrs Gamp felt the necessity of advancing, bundle in hand, and
introducing herself.

'The night-nurse,' she observed, 'from Kingsgate Street, well
beknown to Mrs Prig the day-nurse, and the best of creeturs. How is
the poor dear gentleman to-night? If he an't no better yet, still
that is what must be expected and prepared for. It an't the fust
time by a many score, ma'am,' dropping a curtsey to the landlady,
'that Mrs Prig and me has nussed together, turn and turn about, one
off, one on. We knows each other's ways, and often gives relief when
others fail. Our charges is but low, sir'--Mrs Gamp addressed
herself to John on this head--'considerin' the nater of our painful
dooty. If they wos made accordin' to our wishes, they would be easy
paid.'

Regarding herself as having now delivered her inauguration
address, Mrs Gamp curtseyed all round, and signified her wish to be
conducted to the scene of her official duties. The chambermaid led
her, through a variety of intricate passages, to the top of the
house; and pointing at length to a solitary door at the end of a
gallery, informed her that yonder was the chamber where the patient
lay. That done, she hurried off with all the speed she could make.

Mrs Gamp traversed the gallery in a great heat from having
carried her large bundle up so many stairs, and tapped at the door
which was immediately opened by Mrs Prig, bonneted and shawled and
all impatience to be gone. Mrs Prig was of the Gamp build, but not
so fat; and her voice was deeper and more like a man's. She had also
a beard.

'I began to think you warn't a-coming!' Mrs Prig observed, in
some displeasure.

'It shall be made good to-morrow night,' said Mrs Gamp
'Honorable. I had to go and fetch my things.' She had begun to make
signs of inquiry in reference to the position of the patient and his
overhearing them--for there was a screen before the door--when Mrs
Prig settled that point easily.

'Oh!' she said aloud, 'he's quiet, but his wits is gone. It
an't no matter wot you say.'

'Anythin' to tell afore you goes, my dear?' asked Mrs Gamp,
setting her bundle down inside the door, and looking affectionately
at her partner.

'The pickled salmon,' Mrs Prig replied, 'is quite delicious. I
can partlck'ler recommend it. Don't have nothink to say to the cold
meat, for it tastes of the stable. The drinks is all good.'

Mrs Gamp expressed herself much gratified.

'The physic and them things is on the drawers and mankleshelf,'
said Mrs Prig, cursorily. 'He took his last slime draught at seven.
The easy-chair an't soft enough. You'll want his piller.'

Mrs Gamp thanked her for these hints, and giving her a friendly
good night, held the door open until she had disappeared at the other
end of the gallery. Having thus performed the hospitable duty of
seeing her safely off, she shut it, locked it on the inside, took up
her bundle, walked round the screen, and entered on her occupation of
the sick chamber.

'A little dull, but not so bad as might be,' Mrs Gamp remarked.
'I'm glad to see a parapidge, in case of fire, and lots of roofs and
chimley-pots to walk upon.'

It will be seen from these remarks that Mrs Gamp was looking out
of window. When she had exhausted the prospect, she tried the
easy-chair, which she indignantly declared was 'harder than a
brickbadge.' Next she pursued her researches among the
physic-bottles, glasses, jugs, and tea-cups; and when she had
entirely satisfied her curiosity on all these subjects of
investigation, she untied her bonnet-strings and strolled up to the
bedside to take a look at the patient.

A young man--dark and not ill-looking--with long black hair,
that seemed the blacker for the whiteness of the bed-clothes. His
eyes were partly open, and he never ceased to roll his head from side
to side upon the pillow, keeping his body almost quiet. He did not
utter words; but every now and then gave vent to an expression of
impatience or fatigue, sometimes of surprise; and still his restless
head--oh, weary, weary hour!--went to and fro without a moment's
intermission.

Mrs Gamp solaced herself with a pinch of snuff, and stood
looking at him with her head inclined a little sideways, as a
connoisseur might gaze upon a doubtful work of art. By degrees, a
horrible remembrance of one branch of her calling took possession of
the woman; and stooping down, she pinned his wandering arms against
his sides, to see how he would look if laid out as a dead man. Her
fingers itched to compose his limbs in that last marble attitude.

'Ah!' said Mrs Gamp, walking away from the bed, 'he'd make a
lovely corpse.'

She now proceeded to unpack her bundle; lighted a candle with
the aid of a fire-box on the drawers; filled a small kettle, as a
preliminary to refreshing herself with a cup of tea in the course of
the night; laid what she called 'a little bit of fire,' for the same
philanthropic purpose; and also set forth a small tea-board, that
nothing might be wanting for her comfortable enjoyment. These
preparations occupied so long, that when they were brought to a
conclusion it was high time to think about supper; so she rang the
bell and ordered it.

'I think, young woman,' said Mrs Gamp to the assistant
chambermaid, in a tone expressive of weakness, 'that I could pick a
little bit of pickled salmon, with a nice little sprig of fennel, and
a sprinkling of white pepper. I takes new bread, my dear, with just
a little pat of fresh butter, and a mossel of cheese. In case there
should be such a thing as a cowcumber in the 'ouse, will you be so
kind as bring it, for I'm rather partial to 'em, and they does a
world of good in a sick room. If they draws the Brighton Old Tipper
here, I takes that ale at night, my love, it bein' considered wakeful
by the doctors. And whatever you do, young woman, don't bring more
than a shilling's-worth of gin and water-warm when I rings the bell a
second time; for that is always my allowance, and I never takes a
drop beyond!'

Having preferred these moderate requests, Mrs Gamp observed that
she would stand at the door until the order was executed, to the end
that the patient might not be disturbed by her opening it a second
time; and therefore she would thank the young woman to 'look
sharp.'

A tray was brought with everything upon it, even to the cucumber
and Mrs Gamp accordingly sat down to eat and drink in high good
humour. The extent to which she availed herself of the vinegar, and
supped up that refreshing fluid with the blade of her knife, can
scarcely be expressed in narrative.

'Ah!' sighed Mrs Gamp, as she meditated over the warm
shilling's- worth, 'what a blessed thing it is--living in a wale--to
be contented! What a blessed thing it is to make sick people happy
in their beds, and never mind one's self as long as one can do a
service! I don't believe a finer cowcumber was ever grow'd. I'm
sure I never see one!'

She moralised in the same vein until her glass was empty, and
then admistered the patient's medicine, by the simple process of
clutching his windpipe to make him gasp, and immediately pouring it
down his throat.

'I a'most forgot the piller, I declare!' said Mrs Gamp, drawing
it away. 'There! Now he's comfortable as he can be, I'm sure! I
must try to make myself as much so as I can.'

With this view, she went about the construction of an
extemporaneous bed in the easy-chair, with the addition of the next
easy one for her feet. Having formed the best couch that the
circumstances admitted of, she took out of her bundle a yellow
night-cap, of prodigious size, in shape resembling a cabbage; which
article of dress she fixed and tied on with the utmost care,
previously divesting herself of a row of bald old curls that could
scarcely be called false, they were so very innocent of anything
approaching to deception. From the same repository she brought forth
a night-jacket, in which she also attired herself. Finally, she
produced a watchman's coat which she tied round her neck by the
sleeves, so that she become two people; and looked, behind, as if she
were in the act of being embraced by one of the old patrol.

All these arrangements made, she lighted the rush-light, coiled
herself up on her couch, and went to sleep. Ghostly and dark the
room became, and full of lowering shadows. The distant noises in the
streets were gradually hushed; the house was quiet as a sepulchre;
the dead of might was coffined in the silent city.

Oh, weary, weary hour! Oh, haggard mind, groping darkly through
the past; incapable of detaching itself from the miserable present;
dragging its heavy chain of care through imaginary feasts and revels,
and scenes of awful pomp; seeking but a moment's rest among the
long-forgotten haunts of childhood, and the resorts of yesterday; and
dimly finding fear and horror everywhere! Oh, weary, weary hour!
What were the wanderings of Cain, to these!

Still, without a moment's interval, the burning head tossed to
and fro. Still, from time to time, fatigue, impatience, suffering,
and surprise, found utterance upon that rack, and plainly too, though
never once in words. At length, in the solemn hour of midnight, he
began to talk; waiting awfully for answers sometimes; as though
invisible companions were about his bed; and so replying to their
speech and questioning again.

Mrs Gamp awoke, and sat up in her bed; presenting on the wall
the shadow of a gigantic night constable, struggling with a
prisoner.

'Come! Hold your tongue!' she cried, in sharp reproof. 'Don't
make none of that noise here.'

There was no alteration in the face, or in the incessant motion
of the head, but he talked on wildly.

'Ah!' said Mrs Gamp, coming out of the chair with an impatient
shiver; 'I thought I was a-sleepin' too pleasant to last! The
devil's in the night, I think, it's turned so chilly!'

'Don't drink so much!' cried the sick man. 'You'll ruin us all.
Don't you see how the fountain sinks? Look at the mark where the
sparkling water was just now!'

'Sparkling water, indeed!' said Mrs Gamp. 'I'll have a
sparkling cup o' tea, I think. I wish you'd hold your noise!'

He burst into a laugh, which, being prolonged, fell off into a
dismal wail. Checking himself, with fierce inconstancy he began to
count--fast.

'One--two--three--four--five--six.'

"One, two, buckle my shoe,"' said Mrs Gamp, who was now on her
knees, lighting the fire, "three, four, shut the door,"--I wish you'd
shut your mouth, young man--"five, six, picking up sticks." If I'd
got a few handy, I should have the kettle boiling all the sooner.'

Awaiting this desirable consummation, she sat down so close to
the fender (which was a high one) that her nose rested upon it; and
for some time she drowsily amused herself by sliding that feature
backwards and forwards along the brass top, as far as she could,
without changing her position to do it. She maintained, all the
while, a running commentary upon the wanderings of the man in bed.

'That makes five hundred and twenty-one men, all dressed alike,
and with the same distortion on their faces, that have passed in at
the window, and out at the door,' he cried, anxiously. 'Look there!
Five hundred and twenty-two--twenty-three--twenty-four. Do you see
them?'

'Ah! I see 'em,' said Mrs Gamp; 'all the whole kit of 'em
numbered like hackney-coaches, an't they?'

'Touch me! Let me be sure of this. Touch me!'

'You'll take your next draught when I've made the kettle bile,'
retorted Mrs Gamp, composedly, 'and you'll be touched then. You'll
be touched up, too, if you don't take it quiet.'

'Five hundred and twenty-eight, five hundred and twenty-nine,
five hundred and thirty.--Look here!'

'What's the matter now?' said Mrs Gamp.

'They're coming four abreast, each man with his arm entwined in
the next man's, and his hand upon his shoulder. What's that upon the
arm of every man, and on the flag?'

'Spiders, p'raps,' said Mrs Gamp.

'Crape! Black crape! Good God! why do they wear it
outside?'

'Would you have 'em carry black crape in their insides?' Mrs
Gamp retorted. 'Hold your noise, hold your noise.'

The fire beginning by this time to impart a grateful warmth, Mrs
Gamp became silent; gradually rubbed her nose more and more slowly
along the top of the fender; and fell into a heavy doze. She was
awakened by the room ringing (as she fancied) with a name she
knew:

'Chuzzlewit!'

The sound was so distinct and real, and so full of agonised
entreaty, that Mrs Gamp jumped up in terror, and ran to the door. She
expected to find the passage filled with people, come to tell her
that the house in the city had taken fire. But the place was empty;
not a soul was there. She opened the window, and looked out. Dark,
dull, dingy, and desolate house-tops. As she passed to her seat
again, she glanced at the patient. Just the same; but silent. Mrs
Gamp was so warm now, that she threw off the watchman's coat, and
fanned herself.

'It seemed to make the wery bottles ring,' she said. 'What
could I have been a-dreaming of? That dratted Chuffey, I'll be
bound.'

The supposition was probable enough. At any rate, a pinch of
snuff, and the song of the steaming kettle, quite restored the tone
of Mrs Gamp's nerves, which were none of the weakest. She brewed her
tea; made some buttered toast; and sat down at the tea-board, with
her face to the fire.

When once again, in a tone more terrible than that which had
vibrated in her slumbering ear, these words were shrieked out:

'Chuzzlewit! Jonas! No!'

Mrs Gamp dropped the cup she was in the act of raising to her
lips, and turned round with a start that made the little tea-board
leap. The cry had come from the bed.

It was bright morning the next time Mrs Gamp looked out of the
window, and the sun was rising cheerfully. Lighter and lighter grew
the sky, and noisier the streets; and high into the summer air uprose
the smoke of newly kindled fires, until the busy day was broad
awake.

Mrs Prig relieved punctually, having passed a good night at her
other patient's. Mr Westlock came at the same time, but he was not
admitted, the disorder being infectious. The doctor came too. The
doctor shook his head. It was all he could do, under the
circumstances, and he did it well.

'What sort of a night, nurse?'

'Restless, sir,' said Mrs Gamp.

'Talk much?'

'Middling, sir,' said Mrs Gamp.

'Nothing to the purpose, I suppose?'

'Oh bless you, no, sir. Only jargon.'

'Well!' said the doctor, 'we must keep him quiet; keep the room
cool; give him his draughts regularly; and see that he's carefully
looked to. That's all!'

'And as long as Mrs Prig and me waits upon him, sir, no fear of
that,' said Mrs Gamp.

'I suppose,' observed Mrs Prig, when they had curtseyed the
doctor out; 'there's nothin' new?'

'Nothin' at all, my dear,' said Mrs Gamp. 'He's rather wearin'
in his talk from making up a lot of names; elseways you needn't mind
him.'

'Oh, I shan't mind him,' Mrs Prig returned. 'I have somethin'
else to think of.'

'I pays my debts to-night, you know, my dear, and comes afore my
time,' said Mrs Gamp. 'But, Betsy Prig'--speaking with great
feeling, and laying her hand upon her arm--'try the cowcumbers, God
bless you!'