The Role of Families in Determining the Course of Love

By tanya neuendorf, Student

Comparative Essay - Pride and Prejudice, A Room with a View, The Importance of Being Earnest

An essay hosted at LiteratureClassics.com

“The sad truth is that while you can choose your friends, you can’t choose your family. This makes matters of love so much more difficult.”

In what ways did family members play a role in dictating the relationships between characters in your reading this year?

Family life is a fundamental determinant of our how our future will turn out. A loving and nurturing upbringing, in a safe and stable family environment, provides a beneficial start to a child’s life. As a child matures, it is essential that this encouraging environment be upheld in order to foster continual growth and development. Some people may debate whether the individual has the power and inner-strength to overcome life’s hurdles without the need of either, friends or family, however the inescapable truth is that one needs the love and guidance of family members or guardians. This is true for dealing with all facets of life: sport, education, employment, love and marriage to name a few.

E.M Forster’s A Room with a View, Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice and Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest each demonstrate the role that families can play in influencing the relationships of their relatives, often in a detrimental way. In particular, family members in the three texts often hold the view that social expectations must be maintained. This can result in hardship for main characters. The texts demonstrate how within each respective family group, a fine line between advice and dictatorship or repression exists. Often, well-meaning family members can overstep the mark in regards to the relationships of their relatives, resulting in heartache, anger and confusion.

In A Room with a View, the main factors determining the outcome of the relationship between Lucy Honeychurch, a seemingly naïve and at times confused woman, and George Emerson, a truthful and passionate young man, are the societal pressures applied by both Charlotte Bartlett and Mrs. Honeychurch. Charlotte acts as a loving cousin, guardian and social advisor to Lucy, while Mrs. Honeychurch, as Lucy’s mother, is focussed more on arranging a suitable matrimonial match for her daughter than worrying about her daughter’s happiness. The reader sympathises with George and his father, who are both considered social outcasts and are therefore not accepted by Lucy’s family. This sympathy, felt by the reader, leads them to develop a trust and understanding for the Emersons and through these two unique characters, Forster indicates the extent to which Lucy has been controlled by her family.

As Mr. Emerson states early on in the text, “My dear … you are repeating what you have heard older people say. You are pretending to be touchy, but you are not really“ (pg. 21). Not only does this statement indicate the way that Lucy’s family has directed and confined her thinking but the reader also sees that underneath all her teachings, Lucy is struggling to break free to assert herself and her true feelings.

Later on in the text, Charlotte interrupts an inevitable Romantic moment between Lucy and George, and her role as chaperone is highlighted. “Lucy! Lucy! Lucy!” The silence of life had been broken by Miss Bartlett, who stood brown against the view (pg. 67). Forster typically uses colour and setting to convey the mood and emotions of his characters and the reference to ‘brown’ in the above excerpt may be interpreted as a symbol of Charlotte’s interference in Lucy’s life (specifically her love life). The mention of ‘the view’ may also be an allusion to Charlotte standing between Lucy and her insight into the truth and reality of her feelings for George. Charlotte sees any relationship between George and Lucy to be socially unacceptable and that it should be prevented at all costs. This results in much confusion for Lucy, as she struggles between her feelings of love for George and her family’s social expectations. Forster further illustrates her turmoil of emotions by creating an association between humans and nature. For example, following Charlotte discovery of the lovers, a storm begins to brew. In such a way, Forster can convey Lucy’s fear of the unknown. The sudden unforseen thunderstorm mirrors the confusion that Charlotte’s interference has caused Lucy.

In addition to Charlotte’s role in dictating Lucy’s relationship with George, the reader also sees Mrs. Honeychurch in high spirits due to the fact that her only daughter has made a socially desirable match in Cecil Vyse, who is described by Forster as ‘a chap who is no good for anything but books’ (pg. 152). Lucy has finally accepted Cecil’s proposal, yet remains confused and somewhat hesitant, feelings that are ignored by Mrs. Honeychurch. Forster portrays Mrs. Honeychurch as a loud, comical and socially crass woman intent on procuring the attentions of a well-to-do suitor for her daughter at any cost, including her own social appearance. This behaviour, however, does nothing to enhance Cecil’s view of the Honeychurch family; rather he becomes increasingly appalled by Mrs. Honeychurch’s excessive displays of over-exuberance and pride in her daughter’s engagement.

Austen’s character Mrs. Bennet in Pride and Prejudice is portrayed in much the same manner as Mrs. Honeychurch. Mrs. Bennet is obsessed with marrying off her daughters and obsession noted early in the text when she proclaims “A single man of large fortune; four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our girls! … you must know that I am thinking of this marrying one the them!” (pg. 51). For all her ‘wisdom’ in areas of love, marriage and relationships, Mrs. Bennet’s conduct seems socially reprehensible and unfortunately acts as a deterrent to a number of her daughters’ male suitors.

In Pride and Prejudice the reader can observe that Mrs. Bennet’s questionable social actions (as well as the actions of some of her daughters) prove to be influential factors in the outcome of the relationship between her daughter Elizabeth Bennet, an intelligent and witty young woman with ‘fine eyes’ (pg. 77) and Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, a proud and seemingly arrogant young man of great wealth. Upon making Mr. Darcy’s acquaintance Elizabeth quickly realises that she is recognised only in relation to her family connections and circumstances (or lack thereof), a fact that she had been sheltered from for many years in her confined country society.

Austen provides a particular example of this when Mrs. Bennet visits Elizabeth and her eldest daughter Jane, at the estate belonging to Jane’s suitor Mr. Bingley. Mrs. Bennet makes a number of inexcusable social faux pas and upon Elizabeth realising that her mother is a social handicap, we see a rare show of physical emotion by Elizabeth. “Indeed mama, you are mistaken”, said Elizabeth blushing … the pause which ensued made Elizabeth tremble … (pg. 90). Yet it is not until later that the reader gains an insight into the true effect of Mrs. Bennet’s empty-headed behaviour on her daughter’s relationship with others. In a scene similar to many others in Pride and Prejudice where characters reveal their true intentions or emotions through the use of dialogue, Mr. Darcy, in a moment of passion, overcomes his social pride and admits his true love for Elizabeth:

“In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” (pg. 221)

Then later, in response to Elizabeth’s rejection of his proposal, Darcy asks:

” … could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections? To congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?” (pg. 224)

In addition to Elizabeth’s own family (in particular her mother) standing in the way of the possibility of Romance between herself and Darcy, the reader also notices Darcy’s relations attempting to dissuade the prospect of the two star-crossed lovers marrying. Lady Catherine De Bough, a wealthy aristocratic woman who ‘likes to have the distinction of rank preserved’ (pg. 196) cannot tolerate the thought that her nephew Darcy may be marrying beneath him and sets out to discourage the confused lovers from marriage. In particular, Lady Catherine emphatically condemns Elizabeth’s social position. In her mind, ” … honour, decorum, prudence, nay interest forbid it [marriage] … your alliance will be a disgrace” (pg. 365). Like Charlotte Bartlett in A Room with a View, Lady Catherine views the need to marry within a person’s respective class as being the most important parameter of a successful marriage. Thus both Miss Bartlett and Lady Catherine De Bough attempt to persuade young, strong, intelligent women in romantically volatile and confusing situations to marry ‘within their class’ and forsake their true feelings of love.

Another character who holds the same view as both Charlotte Bartlett and Lady Catherine is Wilde’s Lady Bracknell in The Importance of Being Earnest. She is entirely a character of comic wit and illustrates Wilde’s genius for social Satire. It is difficult in some cases, however, to delve below the comic layers of Lady Bracknell’s to appreciate the underlying serious social criticism that Wilde is making. A pompous, arrogant, obsessive woman of high culture and stern manners, her aristocratic nature rivals Lady Catherine De Bough’s at her best. The characterisation of Lady Bracknell is effective in ensuring the audience is left with the impression that marriage and social values are often negatively and devastatingly associated. The aristocracy, portrayed by Lady Bracknell does not see marriage as an institution of love but rather as a means of obtaining or sustaining social status.

Lady Bracknell insists that marriage of her daughter, the Honorary Gwendoline Fairfax (a conniving and vain young woman) be the result of careful selection from a list of ‘eligibles’ who adhere to the acceptable social standards expected and maintains that the selection is entirely a matter for parents to decide. In such a way, the reader observes that Gwendoline has no opportunity to decide her own matrimonial future, and that Lady Bracknell obviously does not take Gwendoline’s happiness into consideration when deciding her fate.

LADY BRACKNELL: Pardon me, you are not engaged to anyone. When you do become engaged to someone, I, or your father … will inform you of the fact. (pg. 392)

Lady Bracknell then later reiterates this statement by stating:

LADY BRACKNELL: You can hardly imagine that I and Lord Bracknell would dream of allowing our only daughter – a girl brought up with the utmost care – to marry into a clock room, and form an alliance with a parcel? (pg. 396)

In retrospect, the only thing that appears to matter at all to Lady Bracknell is financial security and social standing, not happiness. This stems from the traditional view that Lady Bracknell holds, in regards to the fact that marriages are to be arranged by the family, not individual parties.

LADY BRACKNELL: An engagement should come on a young girl as a surprise, pleasant or unpleasant, as the case may be. It is hardly a matter that she could be allowed to arrange for herself. (pg. 392)

Despite all the three authors portraying family members as having an unfavourable effect in regards to their relative’s relationships with other characters, both Forster and Austen show glimpses of family members who play a more positive role. George’s father, Mr. Emerson has already been highlighted as being an intelligent man intent on helping Lucy to discover her true emotions and feelings, hence freeing herself from the restraints of society’s trappings. Unlike other characters in A Room with a View such as Charlotte Bartlett, Mr. Emerson is content to advise from afar, in such a way that allows Lucy to make her own judgements and choices about her relationship with George. As he states to Lucy “I don’t require you to fall in love with my boy, but I do think you might try and understand him… By understanding George you may learn to understand yourself. It will be good for both of you.” (pg. 25)

Austen’s character Mr. Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, like Mr. Emerson, holds the view that the individual should have the power to choose his or her own destiny. Mr. Bennet may be somewhat hesitant about his daughter’s marrying; yet this is not due to any views of social class such as the ones held by his wife. He would much rather his daughter’s married due to a mutual love and respect for their partners, which is illustrated in his statement to Elizabeth: “He is rich, to be sure, and you may have more fine clothes and fine carriages than Jane. But will they make you happy? … my child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partners in life.” (pg. 384)

While it is obvious that Forster, Austen and Wilde are all making similar comments about the society they lived in, it is possible that the three authors are also making a comment about the strength of true love. The reader may conclude that in A Room with a View, Pride and Prejudice and The Importance of Being Earnest, love is shown to be all-mighty and all-conquering, despite hurdles faced by characters throughout the course of their various relationships. In all three texts, relationships based on true love ultimately prevail. In addition, each author indicates an underlying belief that it is important to be truthful to oneself as well as others in matters of love. As Jack Worthing states in the closing scene of The Importance of Being Earnest, there is nothing more vital in a relationships than ‘Being Earnest’ (pg. 448).